What Cannot Be Forgotten
by nerdalert123
Summary: The newlywed Lily Evans is visited by a repentant Snape and learns some new truths about her childhood friend. The meeting causes Lily to acknowledge her feelings for the man. Rated M for smut/violence in later chapters. Please Review!
1. Chapter 1

Spring

The grass was plush, newly born from the earth. The trees had buds again, flowers pushed up with strong stems from the dirt and the birds chirped away happily above, back from their long migrations. The chill of winter was finally gone, cold withdrawing into the earth once more and revealing the ground, fresh in its annual rebirth. Lily sat crossed legged in her yard; tending to a small violet, her hands wrapped around it carefully as she tucked it in under the folds of dirt. Under a long curtain of red hair, Lily smiled, cupping a rosebud in her hand, the small flower unfurling and closing again as if it were a lung, filling with air. She reached up brush away a fly as she stood up gingerly, gathering her tools and leisurely singing a song under her breath. Lily turned towards her home just in time to see her husband slip inside, his hair ruffling under the lithe touch of spring air as he shut the door and ambled deeper into seclusion. His wife followed, dropping her gardening tools onto the fresh bed of grass and hurrying indoors, her red hair billowing out in sheets behind.

"Hello, James," Lily cooed when she found her husband, already bent over a stack of papers and news clippings, his hands tugging at the ends of his jet black hair, "I missed you." The woman watched silently as James continued to sift through the Order's paperwork, documents that had been increasingly present during the past few weeks, murders and torturing growing more frequent as the Death Eater Rebellion blazed on. "James?" Lily urged when he did not respond, her dirtied feet shifting on the white carpet flooring below.

"What is it, Lily?" James replied, looking up at his wife's eager face, his own soured under strain and tiredness, "I'm really quite busy right now." Lily's grin sagged somewhat as she reached down and brushed the dark hair from her husband's lined brow,

"Hard day, love?" James sighed deeply and lifted his glasses up, rubbing his exhausted eyes with his free hand.

"Yes," James pressed his fingers to his temple as Lily placed her hand on his back, "I've really got to get back to work, Lily."

"Surely you can spare a moment or two for me?" The woman murmured, taking a seat in her husband's lap, a keen smirk playing on her lips. She let her fingers trace James' blunt jaw line; her movements unhurried as she attempted to entice her prey, lure him into the game they had shared in so many times before. Without waiting for her husband's response, Lily lassoed her arms around his sturdy neck and drew him close, enthusiastically kissing his lips through her smile. She savored the gritty feel of his stubble against her cheek, the warmth of his chest against hers after their time apart. James' lips remained motionless as Lily continued on, her hands roaming to his tie, beginning to undo the silken knot until her husband's hand brushed hers away like an irritating fly. Lily's freckled cheeks flamed in frustration, in embarrassment at James' blatant rejection while he stared back at her, dark circles hanging below his hazel eyes.

"Lily, you've got to understand," He explained, gently nudging the redheaded woman from his lap, "I need to finish the work Albus has assigned me. These are urgent matters for the Order-" Lily nodded briskly, cutting her husband off mid sentence,

"I know, I know." She folded her arms against her chest limply, glancing over at the pile of work on their dining table, "But I miss you. I've barely seen you in days," James wiped a hand over his mouth as Lily continued on, his patience drawing thin, "It just doesn't seem fair." The lean man bent forward over his work like a lion stooping over its fresh kill,

"This is war Lily, how can you expect fairness?" Lily's gaze did not waver from her husband's even as his tone hardened with exasperation, "I can't worry about doting over you when there are people suffering Lily, people dying." Regret tainted Lily's pink lips as she stared back, sighing dejectedly as she embraced the truth in James' words, watching as her husband curled back into his work. There was a silence in which Lily was not sure what to do, she felt misplaced in her own home, next to her own husband. "I'm sorry, Lily." James amended after several moments, his eyes squeezing shut as he soaked in his own stress, begging to go through through his papers once more.

"I understand." Lily muttered in reply, reaching out her hand and carefully stroking his black hair, watching as the dark folds rippled in contrast to her own creamy skin. Soon the woman left her husband staring down at his work, absentmindedly buttoning and unbuttoning his cuffs, an unsettled feeling tightening in his chest. He cast a sidelong glance at the door, finding that her dirty footprints remained on the carpet, painting her path long after she'd gone.

Summer

Lily opened a book on ancient runes, the spine snapping slightly as she looked inside. Her fingers delicately flipped the page, browsing the secrets of the book, breathing in the musty smell of the aged paper. She set down the volume again, walking idly down the rows of books, the path she had walked many times, every shelf in Flourish and Blotts well-known. She gathered her selected hardback tightly to her chest and took it up to the front of the store, handing the clerk a gold galleon and refusing the change politely. She left the store and made her way down the bustling paths of Diagon Alley, her shoes clicking against the cobble stone street. Suddenly, Lily's attention was caught as she passed a large display window; a beautiful periwinkle blue dress robe hovered in the window of Twilfitt and Tattings. The woman admired the fine robes, a longing smile twisting onto the curve of her mouth.

"Lily?" A voice muttered from behind, causing Lily's eyes to widen, she knew that voice; she knew that voice too well. Lily turned on her heel, her stomach twisting in nervousness as she tasted metal, her lip was bleeding. The woman dipped into her reserve of memories, lounging beneath the leafy bows of a tree, the grass soft, books tossed aside, shoulder to shoulder, close enough to feel the warmth of his skin, that voice telling her stories, drawing laughter from deep within her lungs. Perhaps it had been her imagination, a recollection echoing in her ears, a mistake. "Lily Evans?" Again the voice greeted her ears, low and beseeching. Hesitantly, Lily turned toward the sound, her hands pulling her traveling cloak tighter around her thin shoulders, wrapping her in the material, its color like the early hours of night, enveloping her like moth folding its fatigued wings. There he stood, as if it were a trick of the light, a memory projected before her, his features the same as long ago, his hair reaching his shoulders now, straight as a pin and black as a starless night. Snape took an uncertain step closer, his eyes warily surveying her as if she were an apparition, likely to disappear at any moment. "It's been so long." He murmured, his fist clenching at his side as his sentence trailed off awkwardly. Lily tore her eyes from his and swallowed forcefully, her heartbeat feeling as if it were snared in her throat.

"It has." Snape's mouth opened and then shut it again, his lips pressing into a thin line as he found he did not know what to say to her. He thought this strange, that he should be at a loss for words when he had so often dreamed of what he would say if they ever met again. After a moment of silence Lily lifted a hand in farewell and began to hurry down the street again, her hood sliding from her head as she departed, red hair glinting in the bright afternoon sun. Snape hurried after her, dodging idle shoppers in the crowed street of Diagon Alley, his gaze never wavering from the red curtain of hair before him, afraid if he lost her in the crowd he might awaken from this dream. Snape's hand floated out to the woman's shoulder, his sallow skin glowing white as a waning moon against her dark cloak. "Wait." Lily twisted around to face him, her green eyes squinting against sun; there they played like two gleaming emeralds, shocking Snape into another silence.

"What do you want from me, Severus?" Lily stared up into his face, her eyebrows drawn together in confusion, her tongue feeling heavy as it formed the question, reluctant to add the tint of impatience. Snape awoke from him stupor, she had said his name, after so many years, she had said it.

"Another chance," He whispered, his voice cracking in desperation, "Forgive me, Lily."

"You speak about forgiveness as if it were easy." Lily replied crossly as she began walking again, Snape hurrying behind her through the crowd.

"I was wrong," The pallid man admitted, trailing behind Lily like an abandoned pup, "There isn't a day I don't regret what I said to you. But it was so long ago; surely you can forgive me now." Lily turned into onto a side street, the sun blocked out by the tall buildings on either side; the two stepped further into the dim alley, "Lily?"

"I've forgiven you for that long ago," Lily stammered, her eyes surveying the man suspiciously, "But that doesn't change what you are, Sev. What you've become." Snape's mouth opened in desperation as the woman backed away toward the entrance,

"I'm not what you think I am," He lied, his jaw tensing as he spat out his caustic dishonesty, "I'm not a Death Eater." Lily stared at him in disbelief for a moment and then strode forward, her eyes determinedly locked on his,

"Do you swear that's the truth, Sev?" Snape swallowed forcefully, his brows furrowing together as he considered telling her the truth. But he could not find the courage, he did not have the strength to watch her leave him again, have her torn from him like awakening from a heavenly dream into reality.

"Yes." He sputtered, his gut lurching as Lily's eyes softened in acceptance of his lie, as her hand reached out to his, brushing his waxy palm for a hesitant moment and then falling away. "Things can go back to the way they were now," Snape offered, his desperate hope swirling into a muddy mixture with guilt, his hand blindly stretching out and taking hers within it, folding around her delicate fingers like a sunflower closing against the moon's rays.

"I've married him, Sev," Lily withdrew her hand from Snape, her voice unexpectedly sopping with remorse, "I've married James." Snape's face fell into an abrupt frown as he processed what she had said. She'd married him; after all she'd seen him do, after the many years of his chastising and pranks.

"Potter?" Severus scoffed resentfully, stepping away from Lily somewhat, his voice burdened with a pained bitterness, "I always thought you had better taste, Lily." Lily's cheeks blushed with anger at Snape's mocking tone, with humiliation at how her heart still leapt with every word expelled from his lips.


	2. Chapter 2

"He's different now." The response was not enough, Lily knew this, but she could think of no other justification, her gaze floating down to the cobblestone path.

"I've changed as well Lily," Snape came closer to her, his stare following the crooked path of his nose as he looked down at her with pleading eyes, "I'm different as well, just give me a chance, please."

"I- I can't, Sev." The man placed his bony hands on her shoulders, urgently attempting to persuade her, but he was not sure of what. What could either of them do now?

"What about when we were young, Lily? When he used to torment us…" The man's voice faltered as Lily's gaze returned to his and he quickly amended his statement, his hands shuddering back to his side, "Me."

Lily's hand ran across her temple in frustration as she looked up into the man's dark eyes, those hauntingly unforgettable eyes. The years that had passed made no difference, they had not stifled his comely looks, they had whisked away the sincerity in his voice, they had not made her stop loving him. She remembered a time not so long ago, when the air was cold and dry, autumn leaves crinkling beneath their shoes. _They stood in front of Hogwart's Lake, side by side, nothing between them but silence. _

"_Do you think we'll always be friends, Lily?" Snape's voice was clear but nervous, hope poorly hidden in his innocent question. The boy watched her patiently, his dark, piercing eyes mulling over her figure in expectation. Lily smiled and kicked a stone into the water, watching as ripples jumped to the surface, undulating away from the center of disturbance. _

"_I think so." The girl's loose hair fluttered in the afternoon breeze, red and wild it flounced through the air, vibrant in contrast to her favorite green jumper. Snape's pale face lit up instantly, a grin spreading unabashedly across his mouth as he too looked toward the water. _

"_Forever?" He questioned further, a shyness leaking into his voice, his hand unfurling at his side like a leaf pushing out from its bud. Lily stooped down and picked up a smaller pebble, turning it over in her hand for a moment before she agreed, _

"_Forever." Blindly, Snape's fingers stretched out towards her, his hand soon brushing the soft skin of Lily's palm. Lily's lips separated, her mind instantly flustered by the boy's gentle contact, the fine fingers of a blush tickling over her freckled cheeks. The stone fell from Lily's hand as she opened it for Severus, allowing him to take her hand into his own chill grasp. Though neither faced the other, a mutual giddiness lifted their lips into smiles and warmed them against the autumn cold. _

Lily's hands reached for her hood as she slid out of her daze and she quickly pulled the material over her hair to the crown of her head, her porcelain face peeking out from beneath.

"I always defended you." The woman took several steps away towards the light of the main street, aiming to separate herself from the man and return home. She could not bear another moment around the man, she felt as if she were suffocating in his presence, drowning as she resisted him as she fought to keep her head clear. Snape's chiseled jaw contracted as he gritted his teeth, he would not lose her, he could not lose her, he could not bear to have her stray where he could no longer follow.

"And would you still?" Lily stopped mid stride and squeezed her eyes shut, casting a final glance behind her.

"Forever." Snape stayed rooted in his spot, his stomach shriveling in defeat as the woman swiftly exited the alley, her gray cloak tumbling out in waves behind her as she departed. Lily apparated back to her home and sat down in the first chair she found, her treacherous hand covering her mouth as she shut her eyes in thought.

"Why didn't you tell me sooner?" Lily whispered, her shoulders hunching forward as her rogue mind wandered to the life they could have had, to the love she could have known. The family's calico cat stalked into the room, rubbing against her affectionately as the woman sat, swaddled in the silence of her home, alone again.

Severus jammed his pale fisted hands into his pockets, his eyes looking down his hooked nose at his feet as he remained silent in contemplation.

"Forever." He repeated the word to himself scathingly, she did not understand the sacred pledge of that word, the promise he had held onto for all this time. He had deceived her and for at what cost? It had made no difference, he was still alone, he was still unable to change the past. He walked from the alley, his jaw clenched, his mind swimming in spiteful self criticism.

Autumn

"Cheers!" James said, laughing jovially as he clinked glasses with Sirius and then Lily, his eyes glinting in delight behind his spectacles. Lily smiled at the two, taking a sip of her butterbeer, surprised at how much they both still acted like boys. Sirius took several deep swigs of his firewhiskey, pulling the heavy mug away from his mouth and releasing a grumble of approval. James playfully tried to swallow more than his friend, his palm slamming onto the table as choked on his last gulp, setting the mug down heavily and bursting into a fit of coughs. Sirius roared into laughter, foam clinging to his moustache as James covered his nose, firewhiskey dribbling from it, a grin still flexed between his cheeks. Lily tried to restrain her laughter as James whimpered in pain, his eyes watering as the drink burned down into his gullet and simultaneously out of his nose. She slid from her seat,

"Excuse me," Lily said brightly, shooting a teasing look at James, "I've got to go get my swine of a husband a rag." James gazed up at her, a mock expression of dejection on his stubble laden face. Lily started towards the counter, gasping in surprise as James pulled her down into his lap, kissing her copiously. The redheaded woman wriggled in his grasp, his firewhiskey coated stubble rubbing against her face, his wet nose smearing over her cheeks. Finally, Lily struggled out of his hold, her mouth downturned in mild revulsion as she turned to the counter again. Still severely amused, James placed a quick smack on his wife's rear as she left, turning to Sirius who burst into laughter,

"Cheers to that!" Lily sighed in annoyance, her fair cheeks beginning to flush as she noticed a man sitting not far away, watching her. It was Snape, his brow wrinkled in distaste, dark circles hanging beneath his eyes, a troubled expression on his face. Lily pushed her thick hair behind her ear, her blush deepening as he unintentionally met her gaze, instantly looking away in discomfiture as he pushed in his chair and exited the pub. Her gut sank as she cast a haphazard glance back at James, finding him contentedly lost in conversation with his friend, animatedly patting Sirius on the back. The woman slipped from the Three Broomsticks, the early autumn wind blowing her hair back over her shoulders as she shut the door behind herself.

"Sev?" Lily called out, catching sight of the man not far down the road, his head bent against the licking wind as he stopped at a deserted storefront, huddling against the cool breeze on the porch. The woman wrapped her arms around herself and trotted to him, his face tipping up as she came closer. "You didn't have to leave." Lily muttered cautiously, trying to see past Snape's impassive stare, trying to control her stumbling heartbeat.

"I couldn't stay." Snape said his voice cold and deflated as stood before him, close enough to touch.

"Because of James?" Lily asked, her arms holding herself tighter, fingers clawing against her skin as she fought to not reach out and comfort the man.

"Of course it's because of Potter." Snape said bitterly, straightening from the wall he was leaning against, "I can't stand to see him treat you like that." Lily took a step toward him, her eyes narrowing in bold defiance,

"Treat me like what?" She demanded, her teeth gritting as Snape laughed grimly down at her, his eyes narrowing in hurt as if he had been sorely slighted.

"Like you were his fucking trophy wife, his plaything, Lily." Snape's hands moved with contained frustration, his arms moving like a skeleton, sharp, clean movements, "He doesn't value you at all!" The sinews of the man's neck moved as he broke off into silence, his deep voice reverberating in the still, vacant night. "Not like you should be appreciated…"

"What do you expect me to do?" Lily spat back, her arms falling to her sides in discharge as she paced to the corner of the porch and leaned against the rail, "I'm his wife." She wanted him to say more. She sought the remedy in his words, her deepest craving satisfied by the man's company, saving her from loneliness, drawing her from within her isolation which she had curled within for many a month after her swift marriage. "If it bothers you so, why are you still here?"

"Because you haunt me relentlessly," Snape hissed his words sincere and blunt, "You cloud my mind's eye in dreams and all throughout the day." Severus walked to the far side of the porch and laid his hands tenderly on Lily's shoulders, turning her to face him, "Ever since I called you a mudblood, you have been my every thought, my every wish, your name has been the prayer on each of my breaths." Snape leaned down; his eyes half lidded as his gaze fell to Lily's gracefully parted lips, "Don't tell me that you haven't known all this time." Snape's hair blew forward against Lily's cheek, painting his familiar scent against her skin, "I love you, Lily." Her resistance was futile, the man before her had uttered every word that she had longed to hear from James, every compliment, quenching her long festering thirst for admiration. Lily's hands snaked through the man's dark hair on their own accord, eyes shut as she traced his contours, as her hands found their way through the muscled curves she had once known by heart. Her eyes opened, her breath catching as she tested the feeling of her opened palm against his rippling ribs, his heartbeat's song sturdy against her touch, Snape's eyes watching her, his hair flickering across his pale face like the fragile wings of a bat crossing the path of the moon. The man touched his lips to Lily's and bowed forward into the kiss when she did not part. Snape's hands gently cradling her cheeks as he pulled away, Lily's nervous breath decorating the quiet between them, her lips slick and glistening. Severus' hand slid down the curve of her side and slunk around the small of Lily's back, pulling her close against him, eliminating the space between in the dim light. Lily swallowed down her apprehension, her heart soon giddily palpitating as if his touch had ignited a small patch of kindling under her breastbone. "I love you." Snape said again, boldly bathing in the voiced words he had become sure of so long ago, the sinews of his neck moving as he spoke, his deep voice lulling Lily further into the embrace. In that moment, Lily chose her way as she had believed Snape had long ago. Lily covered his busy mouth with her own; ignoring her throbbing heart which pounded partially with guilt, but more so with excitement. As their kiss came to a close Lily slipped away from Snape, her hands busily fixing her hair,

"I've got to get back, Sev," She breathed, her voice quavering as she was devoured by the reality of what she had done, "James will wonder where I've gone." Lily's tongue roved in her mouth, tasting the familiarity in their embrace, the long harbored dreams of her friend soaring to the surface of the woman's mind. She would figure this out. She would right what had wronged before. Snape came to her side, enveloping her in his arms again, kissing her red locks as she turned her face away,

"Do you really have to?" He murmured into her hair, his tired eyes closed as he savored the moments, as he willed himself to let her go.

"I do," she whispered, a cautious smile spreading from her mouth to his in an uncertain mimic, "But I want to see you again. I want to fix this." Lily elevated herself onto tiptoe, kissing his stubble covered cheek once and then slipping off into the night, her red mane lagging behind. Snape looked down at the waxy surface of his palm, the one that had held her within it, empty again. He closed his hand into a fist, his mind swimming with fantasies and yet drowning with worry. The breeze swallowed him up again, reminding him of the chill air, the cold something that he had forgotten with Lily at his side. That night Snape walked the empty streets to his apartment, unashamedly bathing in the most delightful sorrow he'd ever known.


	3. Chapter 3

Lily slipped beneath the covers beside her husband, who had collapsed onto the bed before her, not even bothering to remove his shoes in his highly intoxicated state. James rolled over towards his wife, his hair sticking up in a jumbled mess, his eyes glazed over with inebriation,

"You're very pretty," James mumbled against her neck, clumsily tracing the straight slope of her nose with his index finger, "Just thought you should know." Lily held her breath as James kissed her cheek, praying that he wouldn't be able to pick up the foreign scent that clung to her skin, that dwelled in the undulating folds of her hair. The redheaded woman twisted onto her side, turning her back on James, her eyes shutting in feign sleep. The man smiled and wet his lips as he sluggishly gazed down at his wife with contentedly incoherent eyes, finally tiring of her pretty face and resuming his spot on the other half of the bed. When James' snores became steady in rhythm Lily pulled the covers up to her chin, burying herself beneath the downy folds. Was there a way out of this mess that left both parties unscathed? She thought not. Was she capable of the betrayal she so dearly desired? Though she hated to admit it, she believed she was. Would the guilt be enough to keep her confined in this unhappy marriage? She could not bear it. Lily shuddered as something draped across her waist, the familiar weight of the object causing her to cringe. The woman twisted under James' arm weakly but then resigned to a fitful bout of sleep.

Snape sat stiffly at his desk, watching out the window as people ambled along, dressed in heavy sweaters and wool gloves as autumn came to its peak. He dropped his quill listlessly and heaved a great sigh, unable to put the words to paper. With eyes shut all he could see was the arc of her lips, the swirling torrent of red hair, the impish smile he so dearly wished he had inflicted. Gradually, his hands searched for the quill in unoccupied need and the man resumed his observation. An old man hobbling down the road, his cane bobbing in a steady rhythm as he plodded on, crisp leaves dancing about his ankles, chasing after him like stray dogs. A couple strolled by soon after; a child swaddled and nestled in its mother's arms, its face focused on the woman's in silent reverence. Yet the connection between them was empty, the husband's eyes distracted and uninterested in his mundane family. Snape did not understand how he could bear to miss a moment, how he could tear his gaze from the woman who was undoubtedly his, from the child that they had created together. Severus stood quickly and snapped the curtains closed, the white filmy material swaying in annoyance as he returned to his seat. His sallow fingers began mindlessly whipping through the tip of his candle's flame, testing the heat, daring consequence. Snape's jaw tightened in thought, the words slowly filtering into his mind until he abruptly craned his neck down and began to write.

_Lily,_

_I miss you terribly. One might believe that I had grown tolerant to your absence in the past years. Weeks ago I might have agreed. But seeing you again, Lily has reignited my want for your presence tenfold. I have forgotten the meaning of my monotonous daily routines because your touch has reminded me of the beauty of consciousness. Lily, I can still feel your lips burned into mine, I can still see your eyes, clear as that diamond on your pretty hand. I need to see you again. _

_Please,_

_Sev_

Lily clutched the letter tight to her breast and hurried up the stairs to her room, shutting the door firmly behind her. She sat heavily at the window seat and smoothed her skirt down, her fingers trembling in anticipation. The morning light pooled down over the letter cradled in her grasp, over the sweeping cursive letters of her name. These secret indulgences had become more common for her lately; ever since the letter had arrived days before she kept it close to her, opening it only after James left for work in the mornings. Lily read through the note once more, nibbling at her lip in concentration, the paper bent and creased from her frequent readings. Finally, Lily extracted a piece of parchment from a nearby drawer, along with her favorite quill and began to write.

_Sev,_

_I think of you often, almost without rest. I apologize for making you wait but, this coming Monday, at half past eleven I can see you. Meet me in the Leaky Cauldron. _

_Yours,_

_Lily _

The woman read over her letter once, then twice, then three times; making sure that everything was right. Then swiftly, she fastened the note to her owl's leg and pushed open the window, her hair flying about in the breeze,

"Bring this to Sev." The woman whispered the command to the owl like a wish, her tongue still stumbling over the rediscovered name. The gray owl hooted in reply and leapt from her arm, swinging through the air and out of sight.

It had been almost three weeks since Lily had seen him. And today was the date they had set. The woman shuddered as she distractedly recalled his hands playing against her back, the vague sizzle of a frying pan accompanying her recollection. Lily shook the thought from her mind and deliberately returned to whisking a bowl of eggs for James' breakfast. She poured them into the pan where they crackled violently. She needed him. She thirsted for the sight of him, his breath against her ear, her name cresting on his tongue. The eggs snapped and spattered in the pan and Lily quickly scooped them up and slid them onto a plate with a piece of dry toast. She glided over to James and placed the meal in front him, her brow furrowing as she stared down at the plate, her mind again drifting to memories somewhere far away.

_"I don't want to go home," Snape murmured unhappily, his jaw tightening at the thought, "I'm going to miss you." Lily stretched in the lush bed of grass beside him, her red hair sloppily tied up in a bun, the freckled skin of her forehead somewhat sticky with perspiration. _

_ "I know, Sev," She said patiently, sitting up and placing a consoling hand on his shoulder, "But we'll come back next year, it is school after all." Lily giggled slightly at Snape's reproachful look, brushing the remaining blades of grass from her airy pink blouse, _

_ "But next year is our last." The girl's grin fell as saw the genuine gloom in her friend's stare and began turning over a small purple clover in her hand as she considered this. _

_ "We'll see each other," Lily offered, cocking her head to the side as she plucked the leaves from the tiny blossom nestled into her palm, "Just because school ends doesn't mean our friendship will." Snape sighed seriously, watching the girl's busy hands as well; his shoulders slouched forward beneath his worn black t-shirt,_

_ "How can you be so sure?" Lily laughed, dropping the flower into the grass between them carelessly and plucking another, watching it wither and bust back into bloom for a moment before answering, _

_ "I just know, Sev." The girl stared up at him, smiling wickedly as she fixed the flower behind Snape's ear, "Honestly, you can be so depressing sometimes." Snape brushed the flower from his greasy curtain of hair, his dark eyebrows contracting in irritation, _

_ "I am not." He insisted, slowly absorbing the mischievous smirk on Lily's face, his forehead unhurriedly losing its worried creases. The girl giggled at Severus' annoyance, giving his wiry arm a good punch when he looked away. Snape narrowed his eyes and playfully shoved her back; little by little beginning to laugh himself as Lily returned his push, harder than before, leaving his lanky form slightly off balance. Their game escalated into a mock wrestling match, elbowing one another, pinching each other, bashing as if they were lion cubs playing in the parched, waving savannah grass. The branches above them rustled with the breeze, making the lake's water ripple, cooling the few other students who had wandered out onto the Hogwart's Grounds after their OWLS. Snape pushed Lily backward into the plush grass, straddling her waist and pinning down her thin arms with the expert swiftness of a boxer, leaving the girl defenseless. Lily laughed and blew a loose strand of hair from her eyes, writhing from Snape's hold, eager to resume the fight. But then, Lily became aware that Snape was not moving from her lap, his laugh noticeably absent as he gazed down at her. The girl's warped grin slowly faded as her breath returned to normal and Snape's became muted, only the sound of chatting birds remaining. Snape surveyed his friend's features, the sun that peered through the sparsely parted canopy of leaves illuminating her face, causing her freckles to wink, her eyes to glimmer. Tentatively, Snape bent forward, the tendrils of his black hair brushing against Lily's cheeks, his eyes flickering shut as his lips touched hers. Her skin was smooth as the filmy layers of early morning light, his heart snared and writhing as he separated their mouths, the little sigh that gushed from the portal of her parted lips as soft as a gurgling brook. Snape closed his eyes again as Lily lured him forward with a caress and kissed him back, a fresh surge of joy thrumming through his skeleton, her breath vibrating in his lungs like a caged butterfly. Then Lily's smile reappeared, her voice unusually hushed and tender as she teased him once more, her finger trailing down the crooked bridge of his nose, _

_ "You're hopeless, Severus Snape."_

"Is the tea ready?" James muttered, busily starting on his breakfast, his brow furrowing beneath his black mop of hair. Lily's gaze shot to her husband, leaving Snape behind in the grass, his pale face haloed by the afternoon sun.

"Almost." The redheaded woman offered a weak smile and hurried back to the fetch the kettle off the stove, turning her back on James. There was a stiff silence as Lily sprinkled the tea leaves into the pot, James' rhythmic chewing decorating the stillness between them both. Lily watched the billowing steam exude from the teapot's spout. Just hours. That was all that separated them.

"Never mind the tea," James grumbled as he stood and tucked Daily Prophet beneath his arm, "I've got to go." Lily set the teapot down, having just begun to pour him a cupful of the brew. "I love you." James whispered, coming up behind the woman and kissing her lips in completion to his mundane morning routine, his breath smelling of sleep. "I love you." He added, pushing his glasses up the brim of his nose as he waited for her response expectantly, "No I love you back?" Lily swallowed back her guilt and forced herself to respond,

"I love you." She mumbled kissing him plainly on the mouth, leaving her deceit stained on the thin line of James' lips.


	4. Chapter 4

For anyone who has been reading this story! I've gone through and made a lot of revisions so you may want to go back and reread the first three chapters. I think it will make more sense now. Thanks!

Snape sat at the far end of the bar, a glass of whiskey cradled in his nervous grip as he waited for her. The man squeezed his pale, thin hand around the cup tighter and lifted it to his lips, cringing at the foul taste yet hoping it would give him the courage to tell her the truth. She had to know where his loyalty truly lay, with the Death Eaters. He could not lie to her, not her. As he was considering how to phrase his confession the door opened and the breeze from outdoors sending the candles of the pub into a flickering whirl. Lily stepped into the Leaky Cauldron and searched the tables for Severus, her face barely visible in the bar's poor lighting. The strength that had been building in Snape dissipated completely as Lily spotted him, her hands playing with the tassels of her burgundy scarf while she strode to his table.

"C'mon then," Lily murmured, glancing around the pub for any familiar faces, "Let's go." The woman turned and wove her way to the door, leaving Snape breathless without even a touch. He tipped back his glass and swallowed the rest of the liquor, sending his stomach into a churning rage. Once outside, Snape found Lily standing several feet away, her hair glowing like the last embers of the hearth against her khaki jacket.

"Where are we going?" Snape questioned he followed Lily down another street, gradually distancing themselves from Charing Cross Road, gray rainclouds throbbing above them ominously.

"I'm not sure yet." Lily answered as they slipped further into the bustling streets of London, her eyes constantly scanning, searching for something. Snape tugged at the collar of his black turtleneck and buttoned his jacket inattentively, simply occupying his anxious hands, giving them purpose while they so desperately wanted to hold the woman beside him. Suddenly, Lily's hand shot around Snape's fingers as she broke into a jog, leading him towards the entrance to the subway, a soft, roguish smile spreading across the curve of her mouth. The two sped down the stairs into the station, through the crowds of people making their way through the city's underground in tired habit. The woman's hand shifted in Snape's allowing his palm to encircle hers as they stood before the rails, the fluorescent lights radiating down upon them as they waited in hushed contentment. There was a strange comfort being surrounding by muggles for Lily, the chances of being recognized slipping away, allowing her to act unreservedly. Soon, the train screeched to a halt before them, its automated doors sliding open in a wordless welcome. Lily and Snape filed into the car and found a seat together, their hands still intertwined as the people filtered in around them and the train roared to life. While the cart rattled beneath them, Lily looked around them and wondered what the strangers might think, an odd pleasure thrumming through the woman as she saw people regarding her and Sev, perhaps even assuming they were a couple. Lily shut her eyes for a moment, her torso lilting in rhythm with the train, forcefully sifting any guilt from her mind, snubbing her conscience. She would enjoy this time, whatever time she had with him.

"Where are you taking me?" Snape murmured at her side, his body jostling against hers as the train thundered over the tracks, a compliant smirk set on his lips.

"Wherever this leads us." She replied, lifting her face to his and tasting the smile that sat proudly on his lips. Snape basked in the freedom of their movements, his lips reluctantly separating from hers as she leaned her forehead against his, her eyes easily sliding shut. Snape's hand ran over the folds of her burgundy scarf, peeling it away to place a small kiss on her neck, his breath rustling the hair near her ear. Lily laughed breathily, lifting the man's chin to her with a slender finger, her grin diminishing into one that was more demure as she enjoyed the simple happiness of the moment.

"Lily," Snape began stiffly, his eyes dark across Lily's face in apprehension, "I've got to tell you something." Lily bent towards him and rested her head against his shoulder, nuzzling into the curve of his neck as she tested the foreign security of the muggle train, the refuge of her body pressed to his.

"Not now," Lily whispered, her red hair pooling over the man's chest like blood, her chest rising and falling in a slow, steady rhythm. Snape submitted to her request, something in him grateful that she had stopped him, grateful for the wordlessness as they sat together listening to the hum of the train thundering over tracks, the steady grumble acting as an urban lullaby.

Lily laughed, the corners of her eyes wrinkling as she glanced up at Snape, the city's glow shining on her red hair like a halo. The two strolled through the brilliantly lit streets, the glare of downtown London refusing to let nighttime darkness consume them. Snape's face lifted toward the stars as a peal of thunder tore through the sky, a raindrop descending down his forehead and causing him to shiver slightly beneath his sturdy jacket's embrace. Their fingers remained entangled, Snape's thumb lovingly rubbing Lily's hand in circles as if they were an elderly couple, used to each other's company, satisfied with each other's presence alone. The pair stopped under a streetlamp, the ethereal glow pouring over them with a filmy stare as Lily's hand smoothed over Snape's sallow cheek. Raindrops caught in Lily's hair, sparkling as they glinted back the city's lights, twinkling proudly as they sat about the crown of her head like fresh snow.

_"You look…" Snape's words faltered in his throat, his eyes roving the girl's expanse, wide with astonishment. He stood waiting for her expectantly at the bottom of the staircase, his black robes hanging limply over his lanky build, sagging slightly as they were a size or two too large. Lily pushed her red hair behind her ear and dashed forward, linking arms with her date, a keen smile on her painted lips. The girl returned his surveying glance, biting back her smirk when she realized that Snape had trimmed his hair for the occasion, several jagged strands falling across his colorless brow. _

_ "Oh, hush." Lily mumbled as she led them both into the Great Hall, her steps wobbly and unsure in her heeled shoes. As they entered the room Lily tilted her head up to the ceiling, her curled hair falling to the small of her back, a twinkling leaf barrette nestled between the locks. Lily sighed in awe as she gaped upward at the icicles that hung like large glass stalactites from the ceiling, at the lavishly decorated Christmas trees, the formally dressed staff. Snape watched her twist around in excitement, her vividly green eyes twinkling as they reflected the silver ornaments that hung in the enchanted night sky._

_ "It looks," Lily's nose wrinkled in gaiety as snow fell onto her rouge dusted cheeks, melting instantly, "Positively brilliant!" _

"_Exactly." Snape murmured after a moment of silence, his eyes not moving from Lily, the snow glittering in her hair like shards of dazzling glass, her elegant collar bone peeking from below the straps of her silver gown, flowing down the curve of her silhouette. Snape reached up and brushed several snowflakes from Lily's eyelashes, uneasily returning her laugh as she grasped his hands in enthusiasm. _

"_Tonight is going to be wonderful." Lily whispered in fierce excitement, biting her lip in elation as she spun around to watch the first dancers take the floor. Snape glanced around the room nervously; suddenly feeling underdressed in his hand me down black robes and scuffed leather shoes. The boy's focus snapped back to Lily as she took his hand in hers, leading him out into the sea of dancers. "C'mon, Sev!" She called behind to him, jerking to a halt once they were lost in the crowd and offering him her dainty hand, "Dance with me." Snape swallowed and placed his trembling hand on her waist, his eyes watching intently as Lily's hand rested on his shoulder, the warmth of her palm causing him to shudder somewhat. They waltzed quickly at first, Snape concentrating on his feet, his face tilted down to the floor as he surveyed his steps. _

"_Sorry." Snape quickly muttered after treading on Lily's gown, his wan cheeks flaming in embarrassment, Lily chuckling in response. Then suddenly, the music changed to a slower tempo, smooth and dreamy it swallowed the two up into its graceful haze. Snape watched as Lily twirled effortlessly, her green eyes wide and merry when her gaze returned to him, her chest heaving with breathlessness. There was stillness around them as many couples left the floor; those remaining were pressed chest to chest, coming together for the first slow dance of the evening. Finally, Lily stepped closer to Snape, laying her cheek on his chest and allowing her arms to drape around his neck. Lily's heart quivered beneath her breastbone, her eyes fluttering shut as they swayed in time with the music, her fingers daring to follow the contoured trail of Sev's shoulder blades. After a moment of consideration Snape rested his cheek atop her head, the red curls tickling his crooked nose and downturned lips as he breathed in her perfume. The song dipped and churned, sustaining their movements, Lily's hands draped against Snape's back like a swan's delicate neck, curving into itself for sleep. When the music paused and drifted seamlessly into a faster tempo Lily smiled, nestling her face into his chest a moment to bite back her grin and then lifted her head, _

"_That was lovely." She breathed, her eyes flickering over Snape's optimistically upturned lips. Snape opened his mouth to respond but was stopped by an unfamiliar voice, _

"_May I have this dance, Lily?" Lily twisted in Snape's grasp and studied the young man behind her, jet black hair, hazel eyes glinting keenly beneath his wire rimmed glasses. Snape's mouth bent into a frown again, his gut dropping as Lily responded reluctantly, _

"_I suppose." James offered his hand to her, his expensive dress robes making him look like a prince drawn in the pages of a fairytale. Snape watched helplessly as James led Lily away, sweeping her into a dance almost instantly, an uncertain grin spreading over her face as James complimented her amply. The praises that Snape had not been able to find earlier were pouring from James' lips in rich torrents. Severus stood unmoving amongst the other dancers, looking on as James proceeded to make her chuckle, a smug smile set as firmly as a padlock on his lips. The way Lily's nose wrinkled as she laughed, marking the vocalization with sincerity, causing Snape's gut to twist like a falling cat. Lily shot a reluctant glance towards Sev as they danced but was soon distracted by James' hands falling to the small of her back. Snape swallowed violently in resentment as Lily's cheeks flamed, James' arm curling around her waist and drawing her close, his lips dangerously close to her ear as he whispered something to her. Lily gazed up at James, her eyes full of newfound wonder, her lips separating in hesitant captivation. As he watched the girl from afar, curled in another man's arms the courage flowed through him and the words he had meant to say to her that night spilled from his lips, with no one to hear. _

"_I love you, Lily Evans." _

"I don't want to go home," The woman started, her forehead resting against Snape's, her straight nose nudging against the curved slope of his, "But it's getting so late." The dribbling rain quickened and became heavier, sliding down the strands of Snape's dark hair, making his gaunt face slick. He lifted his free hand to Lily's cheek, cupping the dripping skin with his own rough palm, his thumb tracing the bow of the woman's lips.

"Don't," He breathed as he pressed his lips to Lily's, his hand moving to cradle her head, pushing her closer to him with fervency, with need, "Don't leave me." The man repeated, a heavy drop of water tumbling from his chin as he watched Lily's eyes open, like a dragon unfurling its brilliant wings, her brows drew together in fascination as she searched his eyes, a raindrop sliding down the curve of her jaw.


	5. Chapter 5

Snape crouched before the fireplace of his home, feeding pieces of scrap paper into the hearth where they arched into themselves and gave way to flame. The man stood, dusting the soot from his black trousers as he watched Lily roaming through the room, inspecting, curious as always. Lily lifted the lace curtain and peered into the dark street of Spinner's End, her eyes roving from left to right over the street she knew so well from childhood. Dark clouds of smoke rippled from the chimney topped houses, the brick frames lined up like an army battalion up and down the street the same as they had many years ago. The lace fell away from Lily's touch as she moved to one of the many bookcases lining the walls of Sev's home where she let her fingers absentmindedly dance over the intricate spines. Snape watched the woman move, slow as the overflowing tendrils of honey on a burdened teaspoon. His gaze was fixed, completely devoted to her stirrings, her hands ambling to the buttons of her jacket, undoing them one by one until she slid the fabric from her shoulders revealing a flowing blouse the grayish blue color of the sky over the sea during a storm. Lily smiled slightly as she regarded Snape's transfixed stare, his eyes trailing behind her actions in silent reverence. The fire snapped and spit behind them, the flames now devouring a fresh log, the blaze's tongue lapping the air in new height, casting its glow on the two as they came together in the middle of the room. Snape's hand immediately began working its way through Lily's torrent of red hair, his lips touching hers for an simple moment before they fell from the kiss, his face still centimeters from the woman's. Lily wrapped her arms around the man's neck, pressing their bodies together shamelessly as she drew Sev into an open mouthed kiss, the time for innocence long past gone. Snape's tongue slid across the ridge of the woman's bottom teeth, the inside of her lip, and wove against hers. The pair backed up a step, Lily's back hitting the bookshelf and sending several books wobbling from their spot and thudding to the ground beside them. Severus pushed her waved hair behind the delicate slope of her shoulder and began kissing down her bared neck, his eager hands finding their place at the small of Lily's back. Lily's head lolled to the side as she moaned her approval, Snape's kisses hungry and poignant, drawing light, smoldering breaths from within the woman's lungs.

Quickly, Lily tore the jacket down Snape's shoulders, pulling at the cloth amidst his struggling arms and then tossing it onto the rug. The man pressed himself closer, his hand sliding from her back down to the curve of her arse where his wide palm grasped at her flesh and pushed her hips to his. Lily leaned into his touch like a cat seeking attention as the man slipped a hand under her airy blouse to seek her soft breast. The woman flinched at his cold touch as he trailed up her breastplate slowly, his fingers trailing over her firm nipple with a fleeting touch. Snape's lips rose to Lily's once more, kissing her with passion, her chest heaving against his as his hand slid to the lip of her jeans, fingers searching for the fastening. Lily's hands covered his as she guided them back to her face, her forehead pressed to his as her breathy inhalations mixed with the crackling hearth, Snape's thumbs fitting into the hollows of her cheeks as she regulated her breath.

"Bedroom," The woman whispered fervently, her hands trailing down Snape's chest to his inner thigh where her fingers traced over the fly of his trousers for a moment. Snape groaned as her touch fell away; his hand finding hers as they swiftly climbed the stairs and entered a faintly lit room. A white bed was nestled against the bare wall beside a window, the curtains drawn and rain sliding seductively down the glass outside. Snape wasted no time, sweeping Lily into a carnal embrace as soon as they reached the bed. Lily reclined backward into the white sheets, watching as Sev crawled into the bed next to her, his body soon touching hers. The man loomed over Lily, his black hair tickling her cheeks as he began kissing her again in powerful, fierce blows. The yellow blush of a streetlamp filtered into the room from outside, casting its yellow color over the two, shadows looming in the contours of both undulating bodies. Snape's hand slid down the filmy material of Lily's blouse and into the valley between the woman's breasts, his hand again finding the button of her jeans and this time undoing it, sliding the zipper open with teasing unhurriedness. As he continued to kiss her his hand explored the terrain of Lily's hips, his touch soon descending to her crotch, the woman's body beginning to buck slightly against him. Snape moved so that he was positioned on top of Lily, her leg wrapping around his waist as her arms extended above her in languid satisfaction. Again he buried his face in the curve of her neck, kissing the skin there which was the color of fresh cream, several beauty marks decorating the pale expanse below her ear. The man's black hair fell across the pallid flesh of the woman's arm, the two contrasting tones appearing like the banded bark of a birch tree. Soon, Snape's attention fell to the woman's breasts, his palms cupping them and caressing them through the fabric of her shirt, kissing the deep well of flesh below her collar bone. Lily's head tilted back into the downy pillow, her back arching as she released a moan, her eyes closing as her hands grappled through Snape's rugged hair. The woman reached for the bottom of her shirt and slid it over her head, her breasts finally exposed to the chill of the night. Severus' hands followed the arc of her chest in silent awe, his mouth soon finding the woman's stiff nipple and covering it with his mouth. His lips roamed further down, kissing at the woman's heaving ribs, licking at flat plane of her stomach, pressing his cheek to her chest to feel the thrum of her pulse against him. Snape continued to drink in the woman's image, lustfully following over the lines of her body from her parted lips down to where her panties were peeking through the fly of her opened jeans. Lily sighed deeply as he kissed her breast, his hands massaging the flesh simultaneously until he came up to her mouth where he received a kiss of admiration. Snape sat up, pulling the woman with him and positioning her on her on his lap, encircling his arms around her as she undulated against his straining hardness, issuing a deep groan from the man's throat. The woman reached from her perch on Snape's lap and began tugging his shirt over his head, dropping the clothing into the billowing sheets beside them. The two fell back onto the plush mattress, Lily drifting from beneath Sev and wriggling free of her jeans before she straddled the man's angular hips. Her eyes followed along after her hands as she skimmed over the man's pronounced ribs down to the alluring dark trail of hair below his belly button that led past the edge of his trousers. Then clad in nothing but her underwear, her hands against Snape's taut chest; she looked down at him, her eyelashes covering her eyes as she hesitated before unbuttoning the man's pants. Lily forced herself upon him, letting her lips graze over his chest boldly till they stopped to nip at his stomach, her hands pulling his trousers down over his hips and off him, pushing the abandoned pants to the side. The woman closed her fist around Snape's throbbing need and let her grip stroke down it slowly, the man moaning earnestly above as her hold tightened. Lily watched as Snape's eyes fluttered shut, his nostril's flaring in unvoiced enjoyment. Snape's hand reached around, grabbing Lily's arse as she worked on his erection, her mouth silencing his moans as she kissed him, her hot lips burning against his sallow skin. After a few moments Lily's hand found their way upward, latching onto Snape's hair as her hips began to roll forward against the man's member, his rough palms descending down her back and easing the underwear from her form. Lily resumed her undulation, completely bared, flesh to flesh with Snape, sincere moans spilling from her lips and blending with the pattering of rain against the sill. A fierce desire smoldered below Lily's stomach as kissing along the man's jaw line and bit at his earlobe, her groans stirring the hair around his ear. Snape's hands slid from the round curve of the woman's arse to his member which he then guided into Lily, her head tilting back somewhat as she eased into the penetration. Lily's hand rested against Snape's lean chest, her arm bent at an angle as she began roll her hips forward, her other hand reaching up to the head board as she let out a breathless moan.

"Sev," The woman panted, her head nudging against the wood of the bed, her body thrusting back and forth in perfect animalistic rhythm with his, "Severus." Lily leaned forward, pressing her thundering heartbeat to his, the pleasure building inside her a rushing wave ready to crest. Snape's hand clung to the small of the woman's back as her grinding hips slowed, her mouth opening in an unvoiced cry, his eyes squeezing shut as he reached climax, a guttural moan ripping from between his teeth. Lily withered forward, her cheek resting against his smooth chest, her back heaving as she drew a shuddering breath under Snape's trembling hands. Severus lifted the woman's face to his after a moment, her waving hair falling around him like a curtain as he guided her into a tender kiss, tasting her salty lips, running a hand down her rutted spine. After a moment of silence Lily reclined into the bed beside Snape, the bare slant of her pelvis soaking in the yellow rays of light, the skin of her hips still slightly flushed. Snape tugged the white sheet to his navel, his ribs highlighted by the streetlamp's caressing glow, the sinews of his neck shifting beneath his skin as he swallowed.

"I don't know how I'll ever be able to let you go, Lily." The woman turned onto her side at his words, the arcs of her body of rising and falling like rogue waves.

Lily touched her lips to Snape's gaunt shoulder, and then gently fit herself around Snape's form as she allowed her finger to meander down the bent slope of the man's nose. Snape faced the woman beside him, watching as the crescent of her lips separated, a small whispered leaking through the opening as she let herself drape over Snape's form,

"Don't talk in such a way."


	6. Chapter 6

Lily sat amidst the billowing white folds of sheet, her knees drawn to her chest, arms pulling them close to her core as she watched the man sleep. Rain pattered against the glass of the window, the gray stormy sky giving way to the rich embrace of a cloudless nightfall. Snape stirred slightly as a peal of thunder tore through the air, his head slumping to the side as he was swallowed back into the hungry depths of sleep. The storm issued its last blow, the rain cascading down the glass in a constant, dulcet hum as the woman reached her hand out to touch Sev, flinching as his leg twitched against her though he remained unconscious. Lily's quavering fingertips brushed against Snape's slack lips, tracing the swooping curve of his frown with a tender touch. Another roar of thunder echoed through the room as Lily relinquished her touch and began to comb through her thick hair, watching the man's naked chest rise and fall. She wove the long strands into a braid and then tossed it over her shoulder carelessly, studying the shades of Sev's skin, the waning moon casting its milky glow over the man, hoarding those uninterrupted moments away into memory. Lily stood and began to silently clothe herself, taking deep breaths of the fabric before she dressed, hunting for any scent of him: to savor, to conceal. When she was fully clothed Lily turned and stole one last look at the man, hoping it would be enough to satisfy her desire until they met again. Snape's broad hands unfurled periodically as if he were searching for her missing form even in his dreaming state. Lily sidled beside him and gently tugged the blanket from beneath him and pulled it over his bare chest, tucking it in around the edges like a cocoon. She brushed the gossamer strands of hair from his brow,

"I love you," She whispered, looking down at the man, at the boy, at her friend of many years, "Severus." Her hand roamed over his lined temple, scouting the familiar terrain, uncovering lost tales with her mild stroke, reliving the moments in which they had murmured secrets like prayers to each other for safekeeping, pearls tucked into the warm swaddling of an oyster."I love you." The woman whispered against the gossamer strands of his hair, burying the truth in those lush folds, her brow wrinkling as she struggled to pull away. The woman breathed in the stale scent of the room and watched the man before her, something in her feeling as if her words had been a waste, poured like lavish wine into the ears of a slumbering love, never to be known by the recipient.

The sun filtered into Snape's room, birds chirping away their late morning melodies, the shuffle of footsteps against cobblestone mixing in rhythm. Severus shifted in the bed, his eyes opening gradually to the beaming light, his head tilting towards his outstretched hands, painfully empty before him. He glanced around the room for her, perhaps her blouse remained, her trousers, a sock; but the room echoed back a resounding void, sending Snape sighing back down into the white sheets. Even as he absorbed Lily's absence, his lips could not help lifting into a soft smile, she had been there, beside him in the night like a visiting dream. The man rolled onto his side and gathered the white bed sheets in his hands, bringing the plush fabric to his nose where he inhaled deeply, breathing in the harbored smell of the woman. He let the white material fall from his grasp as he sank back down, alone with his thoughts and a smile, Lily running rampant in his head.

Winter

Lily bit down onto her lip as she opened the door and ushered the man in quickly, hesitating a moment as he passed her, her eyes scanning the street warily for any sign of James. Snape sat down heavily on the sofa, his brow contracted in concern,

"Why did you ask me to come here, Lily?" The woman's gut lurched at his worried tone; her mind whirring as she slowly came to terms with the situation herself,

"I don't have much time to explain," Lily started, her voice almost a whisper as she gave into a burst of paranoia, "James will be home soon." Severus took her hand in his and guided the woman down next to him on the couch, his eyes narrowing as she withdrew her hands from his.

"Is something the matter?" The man searched the canvas of Lily's delicate face in quiet suspicion, unease festering in the pit of his stomach as the woman looked up at him with wide, watering eyes.

"Yes," She admitted, trying to coax the rest of the confession from her throat, "I'm pregnant." Snape's face fell slowly into a stunned expression at the woman's words, his stomach threatening to commit mutiny. A thick silence spread between the two, Lily stared down at the floor a faint flush creeping on tiptoe across her cheeks in her flustered state. The man's fingers raked through his stringy hair as he tried to sort through the questions whizzing into his skull, his head brimming with turmoil.

"It could be mine then?" Snape asked tentatively, his stare piercing the woman's soft, regretful gaze, looking for any sign of hope in her movements. Lily nodded shakily, suddenly looking very tired and pale like a porcelain doll, her lips forever painted into a pretty pink sigh.

"Or it could be his," She finished, her gaze falling back to the floor, "I'm so sorry, Sev." Snape watched in shock as the woman wilted against his chest, his movements unsure as he made to console Lily, his arms wrapping around her languid form.

"Don't apologize, Lily," He whispered against the crown of her head, "There's nothing to be sorry for." Lily rested her cheek against Sev's chest, her hand idly playing upon his shoulder as her brow furrowed in upset.

"What're we going to do?" Severus lifted Lily's face to his and studied her gaze for moment before kissing her tenderly on the mouth.

"We'll figure this out," Snape muttered, his hand following the slope of Lily's back, his bony fingers shimming down the green material of her dress, "I promise."

"Lily?" A deep voice murmured from the doorway, causing both Sev and Lily to turn towards the sound. James entered the room slowly, a bouquet of flowers clasped in his left hand, his eyes roving over the two as they remained locked in an embrace. "What's this?"

"James," Lily gasped, standing up slowly, a blush coating her face, marking her guilty, "What're you doing home?" James wandered further into the room, casting a glance down at the bouquet in his hand,

"I got off work early," His voice was gruff with realization as he stared down at Snape, sitting awkwardly on the couch, "Thought I'd take you out somewhere…" Abruptly, James started towards Snape, the flowers wilting on their stalks as they tumbled from his grasp and flopped to the ground, pale and lifeless. Snape instinctively flinched, shutting his eyes and slithering in the grip of submission, preparing for the blow as life had trained him to do.

"James," Lily said breathlessly, stepping between her husband and Snape, laying her hands on James' trembling shoulders, "Please just let me explain!"

"You think I don't know what I saw?" James babbled at the woman, his eyes restlessly roaming back to Snape who was straightening himself, his onyx eyes glaring back with the ferocity of a caged animal, "I don't need you to explain anything." Hesitantly, Snape stood as Lily gently pushed James backward a step,

"Lily, I-" Snape began, his sallow face drawn tight with aggravation,

"Don't talk to her," James spat caustically, throwing Lily's hands from his shoulders and stalking towards the thin man, his hands shaking with rage at his sides, "Don't you talk to _my_ wife." The man came within inches of Snape and spat onto the toe of his scuffed leather shoe, his eyes leering behind his wire rimmed glasses. Snape gritted his jaw, biting back insults, hexes, his insides quivering with distain as James' nostrils flared, daring him to reciprocate.

"You filthy traitor," James breathed, his fists furling and unfurling at his sides, "Get a good look at her," Snape's wandering eyes returned to James, muddled hair, proud smirk, the same as years before, "Because this is the last time you'll ever see her."

"She doesn't love you," Snape hissed, glaring steadily back at James, hurt leeching past the man's steely look, filling Severus with feral satisfaction, "She loves me." James' face soured as the poison in Snape's words circulated through his veins,

"You slimy little git," James snarled, biting the struggling words as they escaped from his wet lips, "She could never love _you_." Snape swallowed forcefully, his jaw locking as James scoffed cynically down at the man's wordlessness.

"James, please!" The man turned towards his wife, now blanched with fright, his hand running through his windswept hair gruffly as he paced toward her. Lily stumbled backward against the wall, her head knocking against a mirror's metal frame, her chest heaving as James snatched up her wrists as forced them to her sides like a straightjacket.

"Please, James." The woman sobbed, her chin lowering as she turned her cheek, her pleading stare finding Snape across the room.

A/N: Sorry that this chapter is so short but I promise that the next few chapters will be worth the wait. Also thanks everyone for the reviews! I'm working really hard to keep the material coming at a steady pace and your input always keeps me encouraged. Please keep the reviews coming; your opinions and critiques are very important to me when I'm writing. Also I'll try and satisfy any requests for the story if you ask me, I'm always looking to please you readers! Thanks again, Elaine~


	7. Chapter 7

"He's working for You Know Who, Lily!" James stammered, the light lines etched into his forehead deepening in frustration as he looked down at her with disbelief. The woman stared up at him defiantly, loose curls falling across her brow, chest heaving as she began to struggle against his clutch. She believed Sev, he would not lie to her, he wouldn't, _he loved her after all_. Lily thrashed from James' grasp, her eyes unwavering, a small grunt issuing through her gritted teeth as she broke free,

"He isn't!" James snatched up the woman's thin shoulders in his broad palms and forced her against the wall brusquely, desperation apparent in his voice as he plead with the woman,

"He's a Death Eater, Lily."

"I love him." Lily shot back after a moment, lifting her face closer to her husband's as she spoke the words in a scathing voice, the tones barely reaching above a whisper. The man's mouth drew into a tight grimace, his chin tensing in dissatisfaction as the young woman receded back against the wall, her gaze skittering over to Snape. James leaned down over Lily with the languid precision of a lion, his upper lip curling and revealing his clenched teeth,

"You," He uttered the words in staccato notes, penetrating the woman's vulnerable ears, his lips moist with spittle; "You swore that you loved _me_. You married _me_!" His voice broke off; leaving the room to reverberate his strong words. Lily gaped up the man, suddenly shriveling down into herself with fear under his hold, James' eyes blinking back moisture as his lips spread into an awful glower, "You whore!" He shouted harshly, his hot breath barraging the woman's pale face, his hands tightening their grip on her shoulders for a moment before he slammed her back against the wall, knocking the breath from her lungs.

"Let her go." Snape commanded as he stepped behind James, his wand arm steadily pressed into the mess of jet black hair covering the other man's skull. James' breath tore from his lungs in jagged bursts as he looked down at his wife until finally his hands slipped from the woman listlessly, the pressure of Snape's wand in the back of his head slackening some. Lily stumbled to Sev's side, red marks left on the curve of her collarbone, tattooing the fragile skin. Snape followed Lily to the door briskly, watching her with the greatest care as she slid into her jacket, her eyes wide with panic even as his hand stroked her trembling shoulder in comfort. Severus glanced behind him to where James stood, rooted in the spot they had left him, his eyes glinting with a volatile anger as they followed Snape. The two hurried outside, the door remaining open behind them as they walked down the snow covered drive and then linked hands, ready to apparate. Snape caressed Lily's trembling fingers and brought them to his mouth for a kiss, soon frowning at the cold touch they left on his thin lips. As they stood in the chill night air Snape dug into his pockets and withdrew his gloves, soon tugging them onto Lily's shivering hands.

"It'll be alright, Lily," Severus watched the woman, snowflakes catching in her red hair, twinkling in the vague glow of the streetlamp. He lowered both their clasped hands, offering a reassuring smile to cover his own uncertainty, "I'm here." Lily threw herself against Snape, burying her face against his chest, her hands frantically clinging to the man, searching for security.

"Promise me," She breathed against his chest, tears leaking from the corners of her clenched eyes, "That you'll love us, Sev, the baby and me." Snape tucked his chin and nuzzled against the woman, his eyes shutting as he breathed in the smell of chamomile leaves harbored in the waves of her hair,

"Whoever the child belongs to, I will love it as I do you," Snape kissed the crown of Lily's head, his voice cracking with sincerity as his own eyes began to sting with the beginnings of tears, "Always."

"Stupefy!" Lily let a small scream escape her as her arms were torn free of Snape's torso in a burst of light and noise, his body flinging limp down onto the pavement before her with an audible thump. She ran up to the man and dropped down into the feathery snow, her hands quivering over his unconscious form as footsteps approached from behind.

"Get away." James demanded, pushing the woman aside when she remained huddled over Severus' limp form. Snape's eyes flickered open after a moment, a groan escaping the barricade of his lips as James gripped the collar of his black shirt, lifting him off the pavement to his face as he stooped over him. "Snivellus," James mumbled, his lips twisting into a familiar seething smirk, "You didn't think I'd let you just walk away with the woman I love," Snape groaned as James dropped him back into the snow, his throbbing head twanging as it hit the icy ground, "Did you?" James gruffly regained his hold of Snape's collar, his glasses sitting crookedly upon the bridge of his nose.

"She may have loved you," Severus said evenly, savoring the sight of James' drooping smirk, "But she loved me first," The smile fell from James' face completely as the sallow man continued on, louder, bolder, "And she'll love me last." Snape cringed as James pushed his glasses up his nose and straddled his waist, fist poised for attack, ignoring the man's panicked writhing; ignoring his wife's muffled sobs. James loomed over the pallid man, bending forward until their foreheads were almost touching,

"No," He whispered fiercely; spit flecking against Snape's cheek, "Never." The first blow shook Severus, his jaw clenched as the hostile pain spread across his cheekbone, the known flavor of blood tainting his tongue. Snape raised his hands in front of his face only to have them shoved aside, Lily shrieking for James to stop only registered faintly in Snape's whirring mind. The second drew a whimper from the man, his arms thrashing against James as the fist made contact with his nose. Snape cried out as he heard the crunch of his own bone breaking, blood streaming from his nose and dribbling hot into his mouth, his eyes not daring to open. The third blow caused Snape to scream, landing in the same place as the second, James' knuckles withdrawing, slippery with Severus' blood. James stood suddenly and backed away, his eyes wide as Snape rolled over onto his side, gagging weakly as a stream of red fluid spilled from his mouth onto the white snow where it pooled, a crimson petal blooming against the ivory flakes. Lily dashed forward shoved her wobbling husband backward into the snow bank that lined the street, his dirtied hands dying the snow scarlet where he caught himself, streaking the snow like children's finger paint. Snape groaned as he traced the swollen slope of his nose with a quaking hand, the bone broken and severely bent to the side. The woman scooped Severus' snow dusted head into her arms and cradled him against her breast, her fingers busily pulling the wet strands of his hair from the open wounds decorating his face.

"I'm alright, Lily," Snape muttered, wiping his bloody, fat lip with the back of his hand and offering a stained smile, his hand brushing against her tear covered cheek, leaving his war paint on her freckles, "Don't cry." The woman nodded and swallowed back her tears, a misplaced laugh choking in her mouth as it mixed with a sob. Snape sat up gradually and looked down at the decorated pavement, his hand finding the pulsating sore at the back of his head where he had hit the cement. Soon, Lily helped the man to his feet and took his hands in hers; she waited a moment to regain her breath.

"Ready?" She asked Snape, her leather gloved hands shaking violently in the man's grasp, their touch sticky with drying blood. James looked down at his own trembling, slimy hands and then stood from the snow pile, his eyes brimming with tears as he realized what he had done.

"No, please," He called out to the pair, his bloodied hand lifted towards them, wedding band glinting in the street lamp's light, "Lily don't go." Snape cupped Lily's slick cheek in his palm, gently guiding her gaze to him as he nodded.

The woman glanced back at James with pitiful eyes, watching as he ambled a few steps nearer, his voice catching as he shivered, "I'm begging you." Lily stared at the man a moment more and then tore off Sev's glove, urgently sliding the wedding ring from her slender finger. She looked up at her husband and silently opened her palm, the golden ring tinkling against the ground as she disappeared with a small pop from the dimly lit street, the night swallowing her whole.

A/N: Another short chapter! Anyways, thanks so much to my faithful reviewers, Ujemaima, DraculaLover99, Shinywhiteboards and everyone else, I really appreciate the feedback. Keep letting me know what you think and also feel free to message me suggestions or wishes for the story.

On another note, if you dislike the Snape/Lily pairing and STILL decide to read my fic, please don't leave a nasty comment. I've worked really hard on this and don't appreciate people bashing my writing because of something as silly as not enjoying the same character pairing. This is a FIC which generally implies a FICTION aspect in the writing. In short, I'm fabricating both James AND Snape's actions to make my story work so if you don't like it please, don't feel the need to tell me about it. Instead just don't read it.


	8. Chapter 8

Lily frowned in concentration as she dabbed a moist cloth across a cut on Snape's forehead and then lifted her wand to the clean skin,

"Episkey!" The man cringed slightly as newly formed flesh began to crawl across the open gash like a bridge, slowly sealing the scarlet sore below. Snape watched Lily's face intently as she moved to his mangled mess of a nose, the furrowed expressions of her brow intensified by the firelight, fingers carefully tracing the bent slope. The woman surveyed the damage thoughtfully for a moment, then raised her wand again and murmured the same incantation. Snape grunted as the bone leapt back into place with a pop, his hands shooting up to the spot as a dull pain simmered through his nerves. He grimaced as he felt the skin prickling again with life, he believed he would have done a better job at healing the wounds; however he had allowed Lily to do it when she had asked, almost begged, wanting to absolve some of her guilt. Lily reached up and gently guided Snape's hands away to wipe a small trickle of blood running from his mended nose. Her facial movements narrating some dramatic tale, the dancing shadows serving as her mask as Snape watched her steadfastly, soaking in the play that only he had the privilege of attending.His concentration was disrupted as Lily caused him to shy away, her hands gingerly resuming their task and wiping away the dry blood from his still tender nose. She quietly murmured her apology as she dropped the cloth back into the water basin, the dirtied material staining the water a cloudy red. Lily gathered her thick hair up into a bun as she examined her work, her eyes following the trailing wounds that had been reduced to no more than small pink lines. Lily's hands drifted to the man's cheekbone, her fingers hovering above a purpling discoloration, straggling along the canvas of his jaw like a route etched into a map. Snape flinched as Lily's pinky finger coasted along the length of the fresh bruise, her wet lips glistening in the firelight glow as she drew in a small gasp when he recoiled slightly from her hold. The woman let her fingertips sail down to his neck, her eyes meeting with the man's as her other hand slid from beneath the blanket and joined its mate.

"Good as new." The woman breathed, her green eyes shamelessly returning Snape's gaze of admiration.

"Thank you, Lily." Snape whispered the fire murmuring subtly in the background though neither of the two dared take notice and risk disturbing the calmness that was edging in around them. All Severus could see was her face, gently craning up towards him, pale and soft as a full moon peering from beneath the veil of night. All he could hear was her breath, riding the air of her lungs like a rearing mare, bucking with life, smelling of apple blossoms and citrus. All he could feel was her hands against his bared neck, smooth as a pearl newly stolen from mother oyster's tongue, warm as freshly baked bread, mild as a summer dream.

"You're welcome," She answered, rising onto her knees to place a light kiss on Snape's temple, the maroon blanket that was curled around her shoulders slipping from her completely, and falling onto the rug behind her, "Severus." His name echoed back to him, coasting from her tongue, filling his hollow name with a lyrical beauty only she could bestow. Lily's forehead nudged against his for a moment, the dainty swoop of her nose fitting against the crooked line of his, her fingers weaving through his black locks, eyes gliding shut in contentment. Snape sighed, moving his lips to the crook of her neck, breathing in the scent of her fluttering hair, the color of a cardinal's wings. His lips following the stray freckles that wandered over her skin, marking her with kisses, an alien smile spreading across his lips. She was his. She had chosen him after all of this time. She was his.

He released a shuddering breath as Lily guided his mouth to hers, pulling him into a soft kiss, her lips remaining centimeters away from his even as they parted. The kiss burst with sincerity in its ease, saying so many things, expressing so many apologizes, things so forthright that they could not be confined to the formality of words. Snape could not help but feel that his prayers had finally been answered. She was universe's gift for his harsh upbringing, his tormented youth, his neglect; all of those plights were healed with something as simple as this woman's kiss. Lily's eyes fluttered open, her eyelashes brushing against Severus' wan skin, tickling the flesh like a ghost's breath, an angel's kiss.

Snape dropped his hold of the woman as she reclined against the rug, draping the velvety blanket over herself and turning onto her stomach, her cheek resting against her folded arms as she watched the crackling flames devour the wood with an idle stare. Guilt turned restlessly in her gut, worry reared its ever-present head beside her as she watched the tongue of fire lick its stone surrounding, mock the bars of its wire cage. She tried to push James from her mind but found that she could not forget how the man's eyes had blistered with regret, how his courageous demeanor had cracked along with his low voice as he had begged her stay, pleaded with her. Lily's ring finger felt dangerously free as it curled around her other hand, the same as she had always done with James' before sleep. Snape watched the woman lay before the fire, her limbs spread across the emerald rug of his living room, a prized family heirloom that paled in comparison to the woman's curving form. The man bowed over her, his chest pressed to her back as he kissed her cheek once, his breath balmy against her face. Lily stirred at the man's touch and looked up at him with half lidded eyes, flames reflecting in his dark stare as he placed a small log into the fire. The woman turned onto her side and shut her weary lids, soon her breath rose and fell in a steady rhythm as she fell into sleep. Snape stood, pulled a heavy blanket from the couch and draped it over the slumbering woman. It fell over her body like a layer of ice, shadows curling into the spaces where the fabric folded, her bare feet peeking from beneath the edge. Severus' hand absently rubbed over his arm as he surveyed the woman for a moment, watching as she slid into the welcoming embrace of dreams.

_Lily pushed open the heavy oak door and stepped through the entrance, her hand shielding her eyes against the sudden bust of sunlight as she stepped outside. The woman gradually lowered her hand as she smelled salt, the same briny musk of sea that she had discovered as a child. She stepped down from the porch, and then turned toward the small cottage she had exited, her bare feet rustling the dry grass so that it swayed about her naked calves. A brick home stood before her, tucked away from towns, people, nestled into the bosom of the coast. The black shutters were opened, the wind that rolled off the water billowing through the white curtains just inside. Lily turned and absently followed the brick wall that lined the house as if she was being pulled toward the water, vaguely noticing the icy blue skirt that fluttered about her ankles in the breeze. The woman wandered closer to the shore, her feet beginning to sink into the coarse sand, the stiff blades of grass slowly disappearing from view as she continued on. Lily stumbled over a slab of stone, the gray beach now in clear view, its ravenous white tongue licking the rocks close to shore, spitting at the land as it churned, drawing her nearer. Suddenly, the woman saw a man standing near the water's edge, his back to her as he stood looking out at the ocean. She hurried closer, her feet sloshing in the sea's foaming grasp, her red hair whipping across her face as she stared at the man, dressed all in black. She had to get there. He had to tell her something. Something important. Lily staggered out into the water, the waves rolling in around her knees, drenching her skirt, spraying her face as she approached the stoic figure. He was dressed in a worn black blazer, his ragged ebony hair flying over his face as he looked down into his arms where a small lump of white fabric was cradled. The woman drifted to him and raised her hand to his shoulder, causing him to turn toward her, his face the color of the sea's foam. _

_ "Lily," The man breathed, his voice echoing in her head even as the roaring waves drowned out most of the sound, his face solemn as he gazed at her. Lily gaped at his slick face, whether from tears or the ocean's misty tongue she did not know. Her attention was seized by the small bundle in Severus' arms, the fabric moving for a moment like the ripples of a pond, disturbed by a footstep. She watched as Snape reached down with a tender hand and separated the folds of creamy white cloth, revealing a small, drowsing child with hair the color of a summer's night without moon or stars. The man looked down at the swaddled babe as he trailed down the straight slope of its nose with his pinky finger. Snape smiled a bitter smile as he withdrew his hand, his black hair flipping restlessly around his jaw, the same color as the infant's. Lily wrapped her arms around her core as a gust of wind tore past her, the waves around them beginning to pick up, thrashing against her legs, sending the slender woman off balance. She looked up at the sky, her pale brow furrowing as she noticed thick storm clouds undulating overhead, the sky and sea both turning they sickly gray color of a corpse. _

_ "Don't leave me, Lily," The man whispered, the churning tide echoing his words, "Don't go." Lily looked from him to the babe in his arms, the child slumbering on, undisturbed by the thundering sea. _

_ "I wouldn't- ," She stammered, her voice swallowed by the shrill cry of gulls, by the rumbling water as it pounded against the rocky shore. The woman began to shiver, her hands fumbling with the annoying strands of hair that flicked across her cheeks in the wind, beating against her skin like wings. "I wouldn't leave you." Snape looked at her with a pained expression as if he had caught her in a terrible lie, the arm curled around the babe shifting into view, a yellowish bandage peeking from beneath the cuff of his jacket. He opened his mouth to speak again but was distracted as the babe stirred in his arms, its lilac eyelids beginning a soft flutter as it awoke. Lily took a step toward the child in Severus' arms, her hands gently peeling away the material around the baby's face so that she could get a better look. As soon as it opened its eyes the image faded away, slipping through Lily's grasp like grains of sand. In its place surged forth a bright green light, drowning out every sense, catching the breath in her lungs, strangling it. The green piercing light enveloped her, a strange vibration in her throat as she fought for air, the green light drowning her under its steady hand. _

Lily's eyes shot open, her breath bursting from her lungs in static torrents as she returned to Spinner's End. She gazed into the hearth, slowly regaining her breath, her skin prickling with beads of sweat as she recalled the dream. The woman sat up and clutched the pale blue blanket around her shoulders, her heartbeat still murmuring its upset beneath its frame of bone. Lily's heart leapt again as she heard a thump above her head, followed by shuffling footsteps in Severus' bedroom. She stood shakily, drawing the velvety blanket around her shoulders like a robe, her eyes wide with apprehension as she climbed the stairs and nudged the door open. Lily watched silently as Snape stared out the window, his hands busy with something that she could not see, the moonlight draped over his shirtless form. She sauntered forward silently, her bare feet sliding over the wood grain, the icy blue blanket trailing behind her like the train of a queen's gown.

"I had the strangest dream," Lily whispered, her hand skimming down the open door's frame as Severus lifted his head, not turning towards the woman. "There was a cottage by the sea," She continued, drifting towards the man until she stood behind him, her pink cheek resting against his naked back. Snape stood motionless, the muscles of his back rigid as he stared silently up at the moon's beaming face. Lily lifted her face and let her hands trace the man's shoulder blades where they poked beneath his wan skin, curving like folded wings. "And a child…" The woman stopped suddenly, the blanket sliding down over her form like an icy wave as she released it,

"Sev," She whispered, her trembling fingers falling from a piece of white cloth, a fresh bandage wrapped around his left forearm, "What happened to your arm?"

A/N: Thank you as always for your reviews! I can't tell you how much they help and guide my writing. Please feel free to send me any requests for this story or others as this one is reaching its end and I will be looking for a new pairing. Keep the comments coming and I hope that everyone enjoyed this chapter! ~Elaine~


	9. Chapter 9

"It's nothing," The man murmured quickly as he turned from the frosty windowpane, reaching for his shirt. His hands nervously flustered over the fabric as it glided through his grip and tumbled to the floor. Frantically, the Severus stooped and picked up the shirt, not moving to put in on but rather holding it tight in his hands, gripping the material in distress.

"What happened to your arm, Sev?" The woman repeated, her voice still as death, dreading the answer. _It can't be_, she thought to herself, reaching out to the man's arm, _he swore_. Severus pulled his arm from the woman's grip and turned to face her, desperation evident in his glistening black eyes, like two tadpoles swimming with fear.

"Lily," He whispered urgently, his hands quivering as he clutched onto her, his eyes flicking over her heart shaped face as he inwardly searched for an explanation. Her pale face lifted up towards him, moonbeams pouring over her freckled flesh, the stagnant color of a bolt of lightning. Snape quickly began stringing lies together in his mind, just one to keep her, one to satisfy her questions, one to assure her of his loyalty. Lily patiently waited for his response, her green eyes shimmering with a water sheen, the veil of sleep gradually fading from where it draped over her features. She wanted to believe him, she wanted desperately for him to give her a reason to believe in him, to stay with him; but her faith in the man was beginning to falter. Severus opened his mouth to speak but his words wasted away in his lungs and his lips fell into a thin line, his shoulders slumping forwards as his hands fell from the woman in unvoiced anguish. He could not lie to her again. The woman watched the man's ribs heave as his breath came in soundless, shallow waves, his brow drawing together as he fought for the strength to swallow his lie."You've got to understand," Lily stared up at him for a moment more, waiting for him to continue, but when he did not her hands strayed to his arm, her touch frighteningly gentle, "I'm begging you."

Severus did not resist as the woman found the end of the gauze wrapping and began to loosen its layers, instead he looked away, not able to look at Lily's face, into her eyes. The woman unraveled his bandage, the task moving so slowly she began to wonder if she still hovered in the lull of slumber; somehow caught between the wild terrain of dreams and the stark, bleakness of reality. But then, the cloth fell away entirely and fluttered to the ground like a windswept feather lapped up by a thirsty tongue of breeze. Snape grudgingly looked to Lily's face as her hands fell away from him, her lips parting in astonishment as began to see his truth. "I'm so sorry," He began, his face drawn tight with shame as the woman stared at his arm in revulsion, bumping into the bed frame as she hastily backed away.

"I defended you," Lily whispered breathlessly, her eyes skittering across Snape's form, her arched eyebrows slowly contracting, "I defended you… And you…" Her hand flew over her mouth as she uttered a strangled sob, her ring finger rubbing against her lip, painfully naked, "You lied to me!" Severus staggered towards the dismayed woman, the dark mark glaringly visible on his outstretched arms as he tried to calm her.

"Please, Lily," Snape begged, his voice cracking slightly as he reached for her hand, "Hear me out." Lily tore her wand from the pocket of her dress with dangerously swift precision, lifting the wand to Snape's quivering Adam's apple as she pieced him with her stare,

"Don't touch me," She hissed, choking on tears as her ferocity gradually melted away into sorrow like winter thawing into an early spring. Snape looked down at her with a wounded expression, his stomach lurching as his whole existence seemed to pitch forward into an off kilter dance.

"_I really don't think I can dance to Muggle music, Lil," Snape grumbled sulkily, his hands jammed into his pockets as he watched the girl stooping over her portable radio. Cicadas hummed in bows of leafy, green trees while birds murmured their praises to the hot summer sun, the symphony swallowing Lily and Sev as they stood in the field behind the Evans' home. Snape had been there many times before, he had laid in the tall grasses with Lily, naming the constellations and making wishes on the stars, he had chased after her in endless games of tag as a child, zipping through the waving blades, barely standing a head above them in his youth. He knew the path out to the pasture by heart, his feet traversing the route beaten into the ground with frequent footfalls, he knew the spot, but never had he felt so uncomfortable there. Lily stood, the setting sun setting her hair ablaze, the red glistening copper and gold, framing her face like a princess from the books Sev had found in his mother's study, the fairytales he had read to himself before sleep as a child. _

"_C'mon, Sev," She chastised, lightheartedly pushing him as she walked by, her fingers closing around handfuls of the grass as she looked across the rolling stalks, harnessing the dried blades, "Don't be such a poor sport." Snape sighed, his hands creeping further into his pockets as Lily came towards him, "I'll teach you," the young woman dipped her hands into his pockets and drew his arms upward, grinning as she began to dance in place, "Just have fun, Sev!" Reluctantly, Snape began to move, awkwardly, jerkily, but the girl paid no notice, she laughed in delight as he dared to give her a twirl. Severus watched as his friend of many years danced barefoot before him, her head blocking out the sun, its rays leaking through the spaces in her hair like a halo. She had changed in their years together, grown into a young woman, ready to go off into the world come next fall. Without him. Snape's face fell slightly as he considered this, their last year at Hogwarts was here, the last year with her. Their time together was running out. Lily's eyes glinted jovially as she raised their arms into the sky, her ever-present smile set like steel upon her lips, the slanted curve like cupid's bow. The girl titled her face up towards the sky, her eyes shutting lazily in delight, feet blindly treading upon the white flowers that peeked between creases of grass. _

"_I love you," Snape blurted out as the song broke into a lively chorus, his cheeks flaming the moment the words escaped his lips, his heart hammering violently in shock. The young woman lowered her gaze to him, her smile melting into a dreamy null, _

"_Sorry, what?" Lily asked, drifting over to the radio and sitting down heavily, turning down the volume as she began tying her hair into a thick braid. A part of Snape wanted to repeat himself, to admit what he had felt for so long, so fervently. But his tongue would not move, his throat would only swallow as the girl looked up at him, beautiful as always. Severus blinked thickly and then quickly amended his words,_

"_Oh, it's nothing. Never mind." _

"I love you, Lily," Severus sputtered, the woman's wand tip shaking against his stubble coated neck, his hands still searching for her at his sides, furling and unfurling like two cowering albino spiders.

"You swore," Lily said plainly, her lips pulling into a strained grimace as she could not longer restrain her tears, "You swore you weren't one of them, Sev!" The woman's wand shuddered for a moment against Snape's sallow skin, her lips drawn tight, revealing her teeth as she wept. "And I believed you," She whispered, tears streaming down her cheeks as her voice thinned and cracked under its burden of sorrow. The faint lines of Severus' brow deepened as he watched the woman dissolving under the pain of understanding. Because of his choice. Because he had chosen them. "You don't know what you've done," Lily whispered, desperately trying to control her quivering chin as the thought of Severus' betrayal fermented into a bitter stew in her mind. Snape's heart battered against his prominent ribs, begging for mercy. Before long, Lily's wand fell limply to her side and the woman dashed from the room and down the stairs, her curtain of hair whipping along behind.

"Wait," Snape muttered, tearing after her, catching her as she yanked on her jacket, her face fierce in its distress, her eyes cutting into Sev as he approached her.

"Please," The man begged, his hands frantically clawing his oily hair as she continued to dress, the gaunt skull painted on his pallid flesh inciting more sullenness in woman, "Forgive me." Lily stared at him for a moment, tears brimming in her luminescent eyes, her jaw gritting in stubbornness as she tried to withhold them.

"I loved you," Her stomach began to sour as she scoffed cynically at the man, the words seeming a tainted prayer, an exploited wish, "And I thought that you loved me too." Lily's eyes met Snape's distressed stare,

"I do love you, Lily!" He shouted hysterically, a strand of greasy hair dripping across his brow like a molten line of tar, "I never lied about that," Severus' hands danced with energy before him, if he could just touch her, show her how he felt, then maybe she could understand. A sob escaped from the woman, the firelight flickering over her devastated features,

"Then why?"

"Who else did I have, Lily?"Snape asked earnestly, his face sagging under the weight of his remorse, "You ran away with Potter and who did I have?" The man wiped at his watering eyes with the back of his forearm, quickly dropping the branded limb, "I needed to belong. I needed someone," He breathed, new tears pooling in his raven colored eyes, "And I couldn't have you." Snape paced to the bookshelf, his hand slithering over his face as he fiercely squeezed his eyes shut, his tattooed arm hanging limply at his side.

A/N: Soooo this chapter is basically just a prologue to the really good stuff, sorry not that much happened! But as always, thank you to my reviewers! Espescially to the ever faithful ujemaima, shinywhiteboards and Always. I've already got the next chapter written but I'm waiting on a few reviews before I post it. Hope you liked this chapter ~Elaine~


	10. Chapter 10

Lily's grief-stricken voice followed him as it broke into fitful sobs, "You've made your choice then," Severus spun around as the woman reached for the doorknob, the fibers of her neck straining with the volume of her tone, her jaw jarred open in the excruciating silence, "So I've got to go, Sev, I've got to." The redheaded woman slipped from the house and strode down the icy street, trying to ignore Sev's pleas, her arms coiling around her midsection unconsciously.

"Lily, come back," Snape ran after the woman, skidding to a halt on the icy cobblestone as he tugged on a jacket, his body launching into a fit of shivers, "I'll do anything, just please," He swallowed thickly, his breath bursting nosily from his throat as his eyes filled with blistering tears, "Don't go." Lily's hand clapped over her frown, stifling her cries as she forced herself to keep walking, responding only when Snape's footsteps followed.

"If this were a matter of love, Sev," The woman cried out into the frozen night, her leaking eyes wandering over the dark road before her absently, "I would stay. But now," Lily's arms tightened around her waist dejectedly, "It isn't so simple." She fled, not wanting to give Snape time to convince her. Lily's arms contracted feebly, reminding herself of her reason why. Her child deserved more than that life.

Snape rushed after the woman, his body shuddering violently as he held the jacket together with a fist, the bare skin beneath vaguely prickling from the cold.

"Lily," The man called, trailing into the dark street after the woman like an abandoned pup, nipping at its rescuer's heels, "Don't leave me!"

"Don't follow me, Sev," Lily begged, not daring to turn around, fearing if she saw him, she would stay, "Please, just let me go." Severus gazed at the curtain of red waves for a moment, his gut dropping as she rushed away, salt faintly registering on his tongue as tears slunk between his parted lips. He stilled his voice, the muscle lusting over the ecstasy of her name, craving one more vocalization. Suddenly, the man felt drained and cold, very cold; as if the woman had chased away his tiredness and cold, the exiled season of snow creeping back across his veins like fingers of frost crackling over a windowpane. Nothing mattered when she was with him, nothing hurt him, nothing. But now, she was gone.

Snape waited for a moment, watching Lily leave him behind, the life he had always wanted, ruined under his own control, shattered by his own hand. He turned away from the vanishing figure finally and began to walk toward his home. Severus pressed on, her footsteps fading, his body shivering, her voice resounding in his skull, his arm hanging limply at his side, cast away, forsaken, the souvenir of his decision. The light from his window crept over the footstep ridden snow, Snape's steps sluggish, deliberate. Her eyes glinted, mocked him from the depths of his mind, winking from the end of a dark tunnel. The man's fist contracted at around the fabric of his coat, his other hand opening the door to Spinner's End. Her smile chastised him, swollen with hope, crowned with freckles. Snape staggered indoors, the heavy oak door slamming behind him as he slid off his coat, his hands falling to his sides listlessly afterwards. The fire cackled in the hearth, the sight of his gutted, empty home a reminder of her absence. Snape's gaze was caught by something silver, glinting feebly by the fire. He paced to the spot and stooped down, scooping the necklace up into the bowl of his palms with the upmost care, tears spilling over the brim of his eyes.

"_One, two," Lily screamed, pumping herself higher into the air beside him, red hair flouncing in the wind as she squealed with delight, "Three!" Snape watched the girl jump from the swing and soar through the air, her skirts billowing as she descended, her young face alight with a grin as she hung weightlessly for a moment. Swiftly however, she returned to earth, crumpling to her knees with a small cry as she landed in the grass, still wet with dew. Severus leapt from his own swing and crashed to the ground beside the girl with a grunt. "Did you see me, Sev? Did you see me fly?" The boy looked down at his dirtied trousers, frantically wiping away some of the grime before he answered, _

"_Yeah, I saw you Lil." He frowned down at his soiled pants; his mother would not pleased at all. Lily stood and glanced down at her grass stained white tights, the ribbon so neatly tied into her red curls that very morning by her mother, already drooping and fluttering haphazardly in the summer breeze. _

"_I was like a fairy, Sev!" Lily spread her arms and slanted her face to the hot summer sunlight, her plump cheeks flushed, "Or a bird." The girl mused, sprinting back to the swings and plopping down onto the seat, watching as her friend jammed his hands into his pockets and kicked at a rock. "Sev?" The girl asked boldly, "When we go to school in the fall will you teach me to fly?" _

"_They have teachers for that, Lily." He replied scornfully, his mind still festering over what his father would say about his ruined trousers. _

"_Yes, but I want you to teach me!" The girl insisted, tilting her face up to the sun as she glided through the air. Severus raised his head, thoughts of his father chased from his mind as he gazed at the small girl, a nervous smile appearing on his sallow skin,_

"_Me?" The boy called out as the girl sailed through the air again and landed in front of him, "Really?" Lily laughed as she fiddled with the necklace her mother had given her for her birthday, a silver chain that hung down over her chest, a family heirloom she would one day grow into. Her fingers caressed the tiny sculpted lark as it gleamed in the sunlight, a grin revealing her missing front tooth, _

"_Who else?"_

Snape closed his fist over the bird and fell to his knees before the fireplace, the tiny necklace swathed over his open palms.

_Snape watched from the hall as his mother took a sip from her tea mug, her gaunt face screwing up in distaste as she swallowed. _

"_Mum?" The boy asked, hesitantly stepping into the living room, his nose wrinkling at the sharp scent of alcohol, "Could I go over to the Evans'?" The woman stared at her son for a moment severely; her dangerous stare unwavering as she took another drink,_

"_Why do you spend so much time with that girl?" Snape shifted his weight nervously, watching as his mother refilled her glass, amber liquid pouring from her flask like gasoline. _

"_We're friends," Severus replied as he turned to leave, letting his mother's prying comments roll from his lanky shoulders out of habit. _

"_No," His mother said scornfully, her eyes narrowing as she clumsily placed her mug down on the coffee table, their color like soot, much like her son's, "It's more than that. I see how you look at her… Like that wretched father of yours used to look at me." _

"_I'll be back for supper, Mum." Snape murmured, casting an uneasy glance back into the living room, his frown echoing the thin line of his mother's, his stringy hair falling across his smooth brow, the adolescent skin smooth and pale as fine china. The boy took several steps towards the door, anxious to meet up with his friend._

"_You know, Severus," His mother called after him, her voice slurring over his name, "She'll never love you." Her son did not turn to face her as he stood in the dim hall, his frown deepening at his mother's scathing tones. At the possibility of their truth. Something in the boy simultaneously withered away in fear, _

"_You don't know that, Mother." _

"_Yes, I do." Eileen shot back scathingly, the words dripping from her lips hot, rolling down her chin like blood, strands of her black hair falling from her bun as she stood, "A girl like that could never fall in love with the likes of you," His mother hissed as she stumbled to the doorway, blocking out the light of the living room as she looked down upon her son, her distinctive features beautiful and equally frightening. The woman's stare crawled over her son's hooked nose, his ragged hair, his lanky build, her gaze piercing him, writhing over his skin like a hoard of maggots. _

"_Who could love you?" She whispered, her voice festering with a strange sadness as she turned and started back towards her mug, "Just like your father." _

_Snape bolted from the house, the screen door swinging solemnly on its hinges afterwards._

Severus pressed his forehead to the cool metal, a groan twisting his mouth agape as it metamorphosed in a deep, guttural scream. The man beat a hand against the wooden floor, his mind barely acknowledging the pain as his face twisted in anguish of another kind. Her voice, soft as the mist rolling in from the sea at dawn, evaporating at the first glimpse of morning light. Roughened hands latched onto his hair as the man's mouth spread open into a strained grimace, a hopeless cry churning from the portal of his lips. His slick teeth bared as his lips pulled away into what resembled a somber grin, his hands grappling through his hair as he stooped under the burden of his loss, the exquisite ache rattling through his core. And though he tried to withhold it, a sob slithered between his clenched teeth, many more bursting free of their confines afterward. His blood seemed to sear through his treacherous veins, each passing moment excruciatingly vivid. Severus crumpled forward, his spine outlined through his sallow skin like a rutted road, his torso shuddering as he wept over the silver chain.

"Please, come back to me." The man whispered through tears, as he curled forward, Lily's necklace draped over his outstretched hands, an unworthy substitute.

A/N: This IS NOT the end of the story, there are still several chapters to go. Sorry for the wait on this one, I had to go back to school this week unfortunately. Anyways, I hope everyone liked this chapter and I'll try to get the next up ASAP. Thanks again to ALL of my reviewers but especially to those who have stuck with me from the beginning: Shinywhiteboards, Ujemaima, and Always.


	11. Chapter 11

James darted to the persistent clatter, another knock rapping against the wood surface of the home's entrance as he approached. The man's eyes were adorned with dark circles, his stare anxiously peering past his wire rimmed glasses as he opened the door to the porch. Lily stood before him, bleary eyed and windswept, her cheeks reddened with a distressed flush, the color skimming her freckled skin like a bird dipping from flight, its feet trailing absently over a lake's placid surface.

"Lily," He murmured, letting out a sigh of relief as he threw the door open and stepped onto the porch beside her, his hands unsure of what to do. His wife looked up at him, her eyes wet and swollen, her body slackened into submission under her anguish,

"I was wrong," She whispered, feeling misplaced on the snowy stoop of her home, her husband's gaze burning into her, his hazel eyes red from tears, sitting in his skull like two dying embers, "I'm sorry, James." The woman lifted her tremulous hands to her face, as muted cries emanated from her lungs, her hands swathing her eyes, "I'm so sorry." Lily could not restrain her noisy sobs, Snape's voice haunting her, caught in the icy wind, piercing her ears like icicles. James watched the woman for a moment before he opened his arms and awkwardly enfolded her into them, soon curling around her confidently, the smell of her hair welcoming him, her breath hot on his neck in an unspoken greeting. Lily collapsed against the man in surrender, his heartbeat thumping against her breast, as familiar as a traveler returning home.

Autumn

James sat on the ground with Harry, ruffling the boy's hair as he unwrapped a brown paper covered parcel for the little boy. Lily sat contently on the couch, her feet tucked under her as she lounged, watching James fiddle with the book, Harry's round face filled with curiousness. With a flourish of James' wand, the book's picture began to move, an elephant's trumpeting rumbling from the pages as the dark haired child ran his small hands over the animal in awe. James chuckled as the boy flinched in surprise and cooed with admiration, his green eyes widening as a lion stretched out in the waving savannah grass. Lily watched the scene unfold, her child gazing up into James' face in total wonder, total reverence. And as she surveyed the scene, her mind strayed absently, where it often did during quiet moments.

_Severus smiled his crooked smile, his eyes returning the babe's devoted gaze as he sat with the child before the hearth of Spinner's End. Harry beamed up at the pale man as he was scooped into his lean arms, Snape's hold as gentle as a moonbeam enfolding the smallest of pebbles. The young child giggled in his father's arms, his plump cheeks the ruddy ones of a cherub, his hands greedily clutching onto the man's spindly fingers. Snape grinned down at the child with immense pride, lifting its smooth forehead to his lips where he placed a tender kiss above the boy's right eyebrow. Harry gurgled in the man's embrace, his tiny limbs wriggling in pleasure, drawing a soft laugh from the thin man. The pair fit into each other's hold like a jigsaw puzzle, limbs intertwining, consumed by each other. Severus looked slowly up at Lily, his eyes like two galaxies, twinkling from the deep frontier of his eye sockets, reaching her miles away. His lips curved languidly in a smile, he offered her this token, keepsake, reluctant even in imaginings. _

Lily was reluctantly shaken from her daydream by a sharp rap at the door, something in her stomach sinking faintly. There were voices, several low voices mixing in with Harry's excited babbling, his face turning to his mother as a panda lumbered across the page,

"Mama!" James stood and dusted off his black slacks, ruffling the small boy's black hair as he left the room and headed towards the door. Lily's heart thrummed restlessly beneath her breastbone, the sound of the door being opened and an icy voice infusing the still pleasantness of the room. She heard James' voice rise, a tremor in his tone, fear.

"Lily," His voice bellowed, Harry's arms rising instinctively toward the sound, his lips parted in shock, glistening wet from spittle, "Take Harry and leave!" The babe clenched his fists closed several times, mumbling, "Dadda" hesitantly as he looked up at his mother, jade eyes wide with expectation. Lily bolted from the sofa and scooped her son up into her arms, the child beginning to wail hysterically against the crook of her neck, his arms stretched out towards his father's voice. The woman rushed up the steps of the house to Harry's bedroom; her heart cringing as she vaguely heard her husband shouting curses below. She pressed the wailing babe to her breast as she backed away from the door, her fingers anxiously caressing the boy's black hair.

"Shhh, Harry," Lily whispered desperately, a harsh streak of lightning slicing the black night behind the nursery's billowing curtains, the child's cries augmenting as thunder shook through the cloudy Halloween night. Suddenly, James broke into a wordless howl below, pristine as it fought its way through the man's lips and soon slackened on his tongue. Harry writhed in his mother's arms, fat tears rolling down his flushed cheeks, snot dribbling from the child's nose. Lily covered Harry's mouth with her hand as a cutting silence overwhelmed the home, the boy's cries fading away into demure whimpers. The woman went stiff as footsteps began traversing the hall, coming closer to Harry's room. Her son squirmed in her arms, his pudgy hands curling around bunches of her shirt's fabric, his small breaths warming the skin of Lily's neck as the voices broke into a cruel laughter, swiftly silenced by another, penetrating voice. An electric bout of silence followed, Lily felt as if she could sense every miniscule happening around her, every breath that came from her son's mouth, and every thundering boom that echoed in her home. An endless noiselessness. She looked down at the child in her arms, at the black crown of hair and rapidly, she began to weep at her own luminescent green eyes, staring back up at her with the upmost trust. Lily paced to the child's crib, her motions feeling delayed as if she were coasting through a dream, the air around her stagnant with terror. The woman lifted her son and placed a tender kiss on his brow, his black featherlike hairs brushing her cheek, her lips unwillingly parting from the babe's skin as she realized it could be the last time. She lay her son down in the bed and kneeled before him, her face inches away from the crib's bars, tears stilled on her cheeks like glistening beads of sand, slipped from a hour glass, forgotten by the weight of time,

"Harry, you are so loved," The woman breathed to the little boy, wrapping her fingers around the spindles of his cot as shouts permeated through the floorboards, the sour tones tainting every inhale, "So loved." Lily's attention was suddenly caught by voices, cruel voices approaching, coming nearer. She faced her son again and touched his soft cheek in reassurance, the child's tears halting as he looked up at her innocently. "Harry, Mama loves you," Harry's fingers sought the woman's hand as Lily broke in restrained sobs, "Dada, loves you." The woman smiled sadly at the tiny boy as she stood and faced the entryway, trying to focus on the intruder's voices, especially the one that was hauntingly familiar, thin and cold as it pierced her ears like a dart. Before she had time to draw her wand, there was deafening crash and the door tumbled down onto the floor as two death eaters rushed in, flanked by Voldemort himself. The woman stepped in front of her son defiantly, her knees shaking with fright as she gritted her jaw and boldly faced the gaunt man. A sickening smirk bled onto Voldemort's tightly drawn mouth, his nostrils flaring in delight. Lily dropped her hand into the crib, Harry's small fingers curling around her as he burst into a fit of tears.

"Step aside, silly girl." The man hissed severely, his brow furrowing when she did not oblige, his pale skin folding like curdling milk when she moved in front of the crib, shielding Harry with her body. Voldemort took a step closer and raised his wand menacingly, "Step aside," he repeated, his voice sharp with fury. Lily locked her jaw and did not move, her hair tumbling down over her face in wild waves, her eyes alight with an unfamiliar courage.

"No," The woman uttered steadfastly, her green eyes glinting valiantly as she took a step back against the crib, her movements precise and feral.

"Very well," The man muttered, his cold eyes illuminated by another streak of lightning, his wand arm poised and ready, "Avada Kedavra!" _I love you Harry_, Lily thought to herself before the flash of emerald light split into the room from the sneering man's wand, chasing a shriek from the pit of her lungs. Suddenly, the scream evaporated from her tongue and all was warm. All was fiercely calm. _I love you._

A/N: Okay… I know you guys are going to hate me for not having Lily go back to Snape. I'm sorry but I really had to stick to the way that JK Rowling wrote it. I strongly believe Snape's love for Lily is so beautiful because it is so _tragic_. But don't lose hope quite yet, because again, this isn't the last chapter, THIS IS NOT THE END. The next chapter will be the last but I'm not putting it up until I get some feedback for this chapter, just in case I have to go back into this chapter by request. Hopefully when I do put it up it will give all you readers some closure. Thanks for the comments my lovelies and please KEEP REVIEWING! ~Elaine~


	12. Chapter 12

Snape's feet tread over the threshold of the Potter's front steps, his heart skittering over beats, blindly pumping amidst his mind's fretful din. The door was already opened, hanging loosely on its hinges, a black hall visible past the battered entrance like a gaping wound. There had to be some way, Severus reasoned. Perhaps the rumors were wrong and she might still be alive. Perhaps she had escaped. After all, the Dark Lord had promised to spare her.

He moved into the home like a ghost, his steps muffled by a layer of dust on the flooring, picture frames shattered, hanging at angles, the quaint home, resting happily in Godric's Hallow, utterly destroyed. There was no noise; death ran rampant through the home, from the mute surroundings to inky black of night, leeching like tar through the floorboards, there was no light to be seen, no hope. As Snape slowly climbed the stairs, a limp body came into view. _Please, not her._ His breath stilled in his lungs, fear prickling through every nerve as the full figure came into view, each heartbeat a gunshot in his ears. James Potter lay on his back against the stairs, crumpled and pale as ash, glasses tilted at an angle, his face undeniably handsome even in death. Snape stooped down and gazed upon the graying corpse, his fingers gently sliding the man's hazel eyes shut and straightening his wire rimmed glasses. Not for his sake, only for _hers_. Severus stood and continued on, frantically checking each room for signs of life.

Finally the man came to the last room of the hall, its door slightly ajar, the harsh gleam of lightning fluttering on the floor, like a dove suffering from a broken wing. Severus tentatively nudged the door open, the wood uttering a remorseful groan as it swung open, revealing the atrocity within. The slender man stared into the room, his eyes widening with disbelief, hair falling across his brow like tongues of smoke, licking eagerly at his skin in ridicule. Snape shuddered, falling against the door frame, fighting for inhale, the action suddenly seeming senseless_._

"_Forever?" He questioned further, a shyness leaking into his voice, his hand unfurling at his side like a leaf pushing out from its bud. Lily stooped down and picked up a smaller pebble, turning it over in her hand for a moment before she agreed, _

"_Forever." _

The room was destroyed, plaster from the walls lying chaotically on the floor, the window's glass blown out, its white curtains billowing like maddened spirits. In a cot at the far side of the room, bathed in the glow of the moon, sat a small child with hair as black as coal and eyes like two gleaming emeralds, hoarded in a pirate's cove. The man's face twisted, contorted in pain as he fell to the floor, his arms hanging listlessly as he looked across the ruined room, choking on his tears, drowned by the merciless pain. The child gazed at Snape innocently; its round face slick with tears, a small trickle of dried blood running over its right eyebrow from a lightning bolt shaped scar. Snape forced himself to turn to the other figure, a growing void in his chest making him want to vomit. Lily lay on her stomach, her head twisted toward him gracelessly her eyes open, staring blankly at him.

_Lily's smile reappeared, her voice unusually hushed and tender as she teased him once more, her finger trailing down the crooked bridge of his nose, _

"_You're hopeless, Severus Snape."_

Her skin was white, colorless as the first frost, stretching lazily over autumn leaves. The man uttered a groan, refusing to accept what he saw before him. Slowly, he crawled over to the body and stooped down near her face, listening desperately for a breath.

"Lily," The man whispered through his tears, his quivering hand reaching down to her elegantly craning neck to feel for a pulse.

_Snape reached up and brushed several snowflakes from Lily's eyelashes, uneasily returning her laugh as she grasped his hands in enthusiasm. _

"_Tonight is going to be wonderful." Lily whispered in fierce excitement, biting her lip in elation as she spun around to watch the first dancers take the floor. _

Severus withdrew his hand after a moment of agonizing immobility, finally sure, finally convinced. The man collapsed forward, his hands covering his face as he sobbed, wretched, honest moans that slashed through the silent home. Finally, his weeping stilled as a rabid howl reared from his lungs, searing from the man's lips in anguish, the sinews of his neck straining against the cry, his jaw forced open by the savage noise. Snape pulled Lily into his arms with a shuddering groan, her red hair pooling down over his chest like a torrent of blood. He began to rock back and forth with the corpse, touching his lips to flawless skin of her forehead, kissing her through his grimace, begging for her forgiveness, a gift she could no longer bestow. His black locks tumbled down across his furrowed brow, the sallow color of melting candle wax. Guilt ravaged the man remorselessly; it was his doing, his fault.

_Her fingers caressed the tiny sculpted lark as it gleamed in the sunlight, a grin revealing her missing front tooth, _

"_Who else?"_

His fingers smoothed over the skin of her face, the flesh cold under his touch as he fit his thumb into the hollow of her cheek. Lily's body was chill against him, cold and heavy. Her love pulled him down like an iron weight into the impenetrable darkness, where he could only grapple at the slick walls of the abyss as it swallowed him whole. Alone and blind to anyone but her. Snape cradled Lily against him, his heartbeat mockingly thundering beneath his ribs, a traitor. Finally, Severus found the strength within him to slide her eyes shut, the green escaping from view, replaced by white blinds, white as a lamb. The man bowed over her, touching his forehead to hers tenderly. Voldemort had promised to spare her, he had sworn.

"I loved her," Snape stammered through a pang of agony, his voice echoing in the battered room, violating the silence obscenely, "I loved her!" Suddenly, there were footsteps, rushing up the stairs, closer to Harry's nursery, causing the babe to break into a mewling sob. Snape remained buckled over Lily's body even as the footsteps entered the room.

"Severus?" A gentle voice whispered from above. Snape tilted his head toward the sound, not able to find the strength to lift his head away from hers,

"You swore you'd protect her," Snape murmured to the elderly man, his teeth bared as he repeated the phrase fervently, crumbling into tears soon after.

"Yes, Severus," Albus muttered in reply, "But I'm afraid we can't all keep out promises." Snape turned away from the man as he buried his face against the woman hanging limply in his arms. Dumbledore knelt down beside the man; his blue eyes twinkling sadly as he slowly began to pry Snape's fingers loose from Lily's form.

11 Years Later 

Snape turned the corner, his black cloak billowing out behind him, his face void of emotion as he traversed Hogwart's halls. The wrinkles of his brow deepened as his steps faltered, his black eyes squinting as he studied the oncoming students. One among the cluster captivated him, a first year child he had not seen before, restlessness stirring in his gut as the boy came closer, sorrow rearing its ugly face as the child looked up at Severus with sharp green eyes. The Professor's lips drew into a tight line of disgust as he inadvertently raised his chin, his chest tightening with bitter hatred. Snape's gut lurched as Harry eyed him vigilantly, arrogantly, soon striding with his friends out of view, unaware that he had stirred up a forgotten sting in his teacher. _She died because of him. She gave herself up without a fight_. _Because of that child_. Severus shuddered, the wrinkles on his forehead creasing into a rutted road, a searing image of Lily burnt into his mind, reappearing after being forcefully buried. He needed to be alone; he desired that more than anything, solitude held such a promise, such a familiar promise.

The man collected himself after a moment, his jaw locked in self restraint as he climbed the stairs and skulked into a back hallway. He stalked past an empty expanse of stone wall, searching desperately for a place to be by himself, where he could indulge in the bittersweet tang of Lily's remembrance. Suddenly, Severus turned around, a door looming elegantly behind him where he had not noticed before. Quickly, silently the man slipped into the room and shut the door behind himself. Snape paced to the center of the vacant room, his eyes stinging, branded by the boy's luminous green eyes, Lily's voice haunting him once again. Light poured in from a dusty window high above, the fibers of dust, drifting in the air illuminated, coasting idly through the stagnant surroundings. Her eyes, green as fresh grass, her lips, the delicate curve of them parted thoughtfully. Snape covered his mouth with a hand and bit down into the flesh, stifling his moans, swallowed by emotion, consumed by treacherous memory. As the man became still once more, his attention was stolen by a bulky form, draped in a white sheet, standing proudly the middle of the deserted classroom. Snape swiftly walked over to the form and whisked the cloth away, revealing a tall, beautifully intricate mirror. The lanky man ran his hands over the inscription in the metal of the mirror, his moist eyes widening in awe.

_Erised__stra ehru oyt ube cafru oyt on wohsi._

Severus swallowed strongly, his fingers tracing each letter in awe, his eyes following the intricately sculpted frame. Beautiful and yet, strangely distressing. A red wisp, floating in his peripheral vision like a cardinal's feather, coasting easily in the breeze. Her laughter, caught in his ears. Snape whipped around to face the glass of the enormous mirror, his heart's throbbing seeming to cease immediately. She gazed back at him from the glass, a hesitant smile set prettily on the curve of her lips. Haunting him as she had never ceased to do for those many years.

"I'm sorry," The words erupted from the gaunt man's lips without hesitation. The image remained painted in the glass, staring back at him innocently, lovingly. "Leave me be," The man begged, his fists curling at his sides, "If I cannot have you, leave me!" The man fell to his knees, his face tilted up towards the red headed woman's image in dismay, his hand trailing down the glass. Lily kneeled down in the golden frame, her red hair tumbling around her shoulders, her eyes staring back at him desolately, her pink lips mouthing something, something unfamiliar. Snape tried to look away but found he could not. She was dressed in a simple blue gown, the fabric floating over her body's contours like the waves of the sea. He could not bear to leave her image. Her dainty hand seemed to reach out toward him, her eyes glinting with hope. Finally he pressed his cheek against hers, the cold glass startling him, crushing him. Snape watched helplessly as Lily's lips moved again, mouthing something he had never heard ushered from their blessed threshold,

"I love you, Severus." The man sagged forward, his temple pressed to the glass surface as he dissolved into a fit of tears. His name, so harmoniously linked with her love, her affection. Snape's hand slapped against the illusive surface passionately, soon the fingers straining into a claw like form as they fell to his side in torment. The man remained there for hours, indulging in the torturous apparition of what he could never have.

Six Years Later

Fire. The bite was fire, melting his skin and evaporating his ragged breaths from the tip of his tongue. Snape's hands stumbled to the wound and withdrew, trembling before his eyes, dripping with his own crimson blood. The warm liquid pooled into his white collar, sticky as it dribbled down his chest, the beads trembling there with every rasping inhale. Suddenly, a door burst open and he was there, looming before him, mocking him even as he drew his last breaths, Severus supposed. Harry knelt beside the man, frantically pressing his fingers against Nagini's bite, desperately attempting to stanch the blood flow. Snape sagged against the dusty floor, his eyes wide, pleading as he looked up at the boy. He reached for his wand and murmured a charm, his lips dry, his tongue dry. Wisps of delicately ebbing memory drifted after the tip of his wand and into the phial the boy extracted. The fire gave way to a searing cold, spreading across his limbs like the bite of winter. Snape exhaled noisily, blood gurgling in his mouth and spilling from the corner of his lips as he whispered to the lanky boy,

"Take them." Harry nodded vigorously, his hand returning to Snape's neck after he stowed away the vial. Severus felt himself shaking vaguely, his arms numb, his lids heavy as he stared up at the dark haired young man. Suddenly, his breathing became labored and the man felt an overwhelming surge of loneliness. His gasps the only sound in the room, his mind whirring as he began to feel very alone and very afraid. Soon, the man lost feeling of his legs, his eyes bulging with terror as he felt the slither of blood streak from between his lips and quiver in a swollen drop on his chin. "Look… At… Me." He begged, the boy's green eyes returning to his. Lily's green eyes returning to his. Snape's eyes welled with tears as he shivered against the wooden floor, his strength fading with an astonishing speed. _This is death_, he thought to himself.

Faintly, he heard her voice, speaking to him tenderly. He remembered her face, shaped like a heart, pale as the first snow and crowned with freckles. Her smile, unwavering, swooping into a curve like Cupid 's bow. Her eyes, vibrant, curious… Snape fought for a breath, his mouth gaping as he struggled to inhale. Harry's hand pressed harder at the wound, drawing nothing more than a very distant ache. Water leaked from the older man's eyes as he sought to remain conscious, afraid to leave this world, terrified of eternity, alone in such a chilling darkness. As the world around him began to fade he saw instead something beautiful. His eyes gradually sliding shut, he saw her. Pale and ethereal she sat before him, her hand pressed to his injury, her lips moving in reassurance. _Stay with me_, the man pleaded wordlessly. Lily's hand wrapped around his, her skin white, white as frost, her silent reply issuing into his mind; _Always_. Like the day into night, Severus felt himself separating from the world, slowly fading into an unknown darkness. A soft whimper escaped his lips as the cold finally enveloped him, as if he were wading into an icy river. Through his haze, Lily's green eyes focused on him, filled with peacefulness. Her eyes speaking of eternity. _Always_.

A/N: Well I hope that you all enjoyed reading this story as much as I loved writing it! Thank you to everyone who reviewed and read. A huge thank you especially to those who were faithful from the beginning till the end, you know who you are. As always, reviews are appreciated but not necessary. Let me know what pairing you'd like to see for my next fic as this is,

THE END.


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